week 6 . 2021
Well guys, we’re already somehow through Week 6. I promise to not get upset about football ending until we’re halfway through the season tho, so we have a few more weeks before I start to sprinkle sad comments throughout the recap.
The week started with the Eagles actually making some moves towards the Bucs, secretly I think Tom Brady just knows when I bet on him in my pick em and knows how to mess up the spread. I won’t be mad if Jalen Hurts keeps making reasons to be BroNation’s QB, but I won’t be convinced that Philly has anything good going for it.
Early Sunday an announcer called Robert Woods, “Bobby Trees” and I’m actually not sure how to recap anything but that. How did I not think of that nickname? I’ll be spending time this week trying to find a better one for anyone else.
This week was Bears v Packers, so you know every awful person in Chicago was having a day on Sunday. I had hopes that the Bears could put up a fight, but we managed to be run over by the Packers. Aaron Rodgers had the nerve to scream “I OWN YOU!” to the crowd, and I’d like to know how a man that looks like this thinks he possibly has a chance at owning a city like Chicago.
There were a number of complete blow outs this week, The Rams, Bengals, and Chiefs not surprisingly destroying their opponents, but also The Ravens completely ruining The Chargers. The two 5-1 meeting up was touted to be the game of the week, and it felt like it was over in the first 10 minutes. The Cardinals also solidified their place as the only remaining undefeated team by not even letting the Browns get close to them.
The Patriots and Cowboys game was a complete cluster at the end of the game. I talked for most of the second half about how I was upset that Diggs hadn’t gotten an interception - only for him to get one in the final minutes of the game. He shortly then let a 70 yard TD happen on the next play - just the day in the life of a Dallas Cowboy.
Our Sunday Night Football game brought two teams that I have no vested interest in besides my love for DK Metcalf. DK has spent most of the beginning of the week in a twitter feud with Shannon Sharpe and I can’t decide if I completely hate it - or I kind of like it? I’m leaning mostly towards hating it. You’re amazing but you’re a child - stick to telling me to buy strawberry milk.
As if I needed anymore reasons to think Russell Wilson is the absolute worst, he was out of this game and still came out to pregame and warmed up - including being in a fake huddle with no other people? My eyes can’t roll hard enough at this.
The week rounded out with another great Monday Night Football game - for how absolutely terrible the Thursday night choices have been, I’m impressed every Monday game has been interesting. As many of you know, I have a pending application to be a part of Bills Mafia - so watching the Titans figure out how to use their amazing weapons and actually win a game felt a bit disappointing. Even if they won, their slogan is still “Titan Up!” - so did they really win?
BroNation Power Rankings
LeVeon Bell
This is more of a nostalgic nod to Bell. I’m not sure he still looks like he’s able to run the ball very well, but he WAS able to get himself a touchdown in this massacre of the Chargers. I didn’t see any sort of group celebration so I’m hoping its just time until Bell and Hollywood Brown are doing dances for me in the endzone.
2. Trevon Diggs
As long as there is potential for someone to be breaking records and talking trash - I promise they are going to be on my radar. Trevon now has 7 interceptions in 6 games - he’s being compared to wide receivers in his stats and I love that.
Not to say that Hard Knocks really got to me, but I am cheering for the Cowboys a significant amount more than I have in previous years. I mostly just want to know how to get in on this handshake with CeeDee.
3. DeAndre Hopkins
I think one of my favorite things this week I heard was two people discussing that Hopkins was listed as questionable and they noted that he always plays. Doesn’t matter the game, he always shows up to dominate. You know what else happened this week? He rated himself “Hopsational” on his instagram post - and if theres a sucker for a catch phrase out there, it’s me.
4. AJ Green
This is a similar shoutout to LeVeon - but my OG BroNation guys need their love when they shine. AJ Green ran away from Ohio and is starting to get a decent amount of targets on the Cardinals. I have both him and Hopkins on my team which was clearly a draft with your heart strategy, but I am here to watch him retire in style with TD and TD.
In all honesty, this shoutout was really just an excuse to post one of my favorite fights (its no chain rip) - which is when Green got fed up with Jalen Ramsey and just went to town. Punching a helmet is far too high on my list of things I love, and look at how many swings he took…
This recap this week is a little light for BroNation - I just want to make sure we don’t skip another week, so the Pre Game and Bro Looks are getting skipped and we are heading right into the recaps:
The Recaps
Guys. We’ve let Julie make it to Week 6 without beating her? A few weekends ago Neil and I discovered that she had no idea who Dak Prescott was. I’m still unclear how she joins football viewing every sunday and doesn’t actually know anything about football - but that alone is worth a shoutout.
Field of Bros 141.9 points
Chirag Chirag 114.46 points
In case anyone wasn’t aware - this was the game of the week. Both coming in hot to week 6 with an 0-5 record, we were secretly hoping for a tie. The number of games I’ve lost this season by tiny margins or by absurd single games from a player hurts my brain - so instead I’ll focus on the fact that my team was able to pull off this win. I had zero help from any players on the Chargers (Herbert and Ekler) - i was soley carried by my wide receivers.
CeeDee Lamb is generally making a play for top 5 BroNation candidates - and getting me the most points and also finishing off the Patriots with this TD and a wave? He gets all the points.
Probably my favorite play of the week wasn’t even important to this game as Julio Jones hung out on my bench - but in the game he managed an insane off-the-helmet-toe-drag-sideline-snag - that I could watch all day long.
Tompa Bay of pig skins 131.88 points
What it do … jpugh 119.28 points
Jason. We all had hopes going into MNF that you might be able to get 3 players to outscore Henry … but we are we kidding? Derrick Henry proved once again to be completely unstoppable, and the Bills got knocked back to earth losing to the Titans on Monday night. As I plan to head to the Titans game this weekend, I think I’m here for the hype coming off this win - but I also could have used Emmauel Sanders getting a few more hits. Considering it was the year anniversary of this stiff arm - we should have expected a monster day:
Dak Dynasty 134.1 points
Chief Gordon 116.2 points
Fresh off of his first loss in the season to Julie - Richie came in this week and continued his losing streak. Cooper Kupp is exhausted from trying to carry your entire team. Richie does have Ja’Marr Chase who is very much on BroNation radar, initially because I’m a sucker for the 30+ yard catches - but then he came out of nowhere and threw a block for a Mixon TD? I see you.
Most of Erik’s players had a great week - I think I’m most excited to see Leonard Fournette back in action. Who knew he just needed to move cities to get rejuvinated. I’m hoping its just a matter of time until he’s back to fighting fans at the games - but for now I’ll take watching him bulldoze the endzone.
Sean Lost This Year 153.3 points
Diane Diane 81.7 points
Its a bad week when you’re just over half the points of your opponent - but none of Diane’s players wanted to show up. She was being carried this week soley by Kyler Murray, who thanks to the refs calling this a roughing the passer, she should expect to be untouched and healthy forever.
Chuba Deebo Dah Chuba Deebo dee ay 143.78
Fresh Prince of Helaire 91.3
I probably have Neil’s name wrong here - but he made it too long for me to remember it flipping between windows. So save the comments on that.
Ross’ team just absolutely did not want to compete this week, and Neil had more than one player have a stellar performance. My only shoutout from this game goes to my man Stefon Diggs who with this TD now has the same amount of TDs as his brother on defense…but I can’t hate anyone who comes with a full choreographed dance as a celebration. 10 out of 10.
Hitch Cocks 163.92 points
Hardman’s Hard On 115.52 points
Sarah is out here with a new born and beating Sean? She’s doing all the things for all of us. Sean was also hurt thsi week by the Chargers forgetting how to play football, with Mike Williams barely contributing any points. Sarah on the otherhand, benefitted from the game that none of us saw producing high scorers - the Jaguars vs. Dolphins British showdown in London was good to her.
Sarah also consistently benefits from Mark Andrews and I kind of love that he wasn’t in the big talk about tight ends but now is a complete monster every week. If he keeps up his celebrations after all these touch downs we might have to give him some Bro Looks.
And we are on to Week 7. Some of us are going to be in Nashville for the Titans / Cheifs game this week - so expect only updates on that game and nothing else next recap.
week 3 . 2021
Here we go again, Guys. We’ve somehow already made it through Week 3 - and this week did not disappoint. I still feel like I haven’t gotten a grasp on who is good and who is consistently disappointing, especially after the Jags and the Dolphins both had moments where they looked like they weren’t going to lose - so I’m pretty sure I know nothing.
The week started with another trash match up on Thursday. Aren’t prime time games supposed to be the most exciting? Probably the only person excited to see this game was the Texans mascot Toro, who honestly looks like he’s thinking about quitting his job.
Heading into the morning games on Sunday, I should have known the Jags were going to put up a fight when their pregame consisted of this happening with their mascot:
This game also had one of my favorite games of the week. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything like it - a missed field goal that resulted in a 109 yard return for a touchdown?? Do the jags have good players in that mix?
Attempting to rival this insane play, Justin Tucker set a record with the longest field goal in NFL history. I’m still pretty upset that the Lions got close enough that this had to be the game winning field goal - but it was pretty incredible either way.
We also got to see The Cheifs lose another game — so now they are the lowest ranked team in their division? Have to say that I’m expecting a turn around if anything so that Kelce can be in the power rankings for BroNation again, and so that Mahomes can look less confused.
He was probably just coming to terms with the fact that defenders have figured out how to pull moves like this to intercept him:
To my complete disappointment, Aaron Rodgers appears to be back. Whatever point he was proving week 1 seems to have been made and he’s back to his old antics. The 49ers thought that giving him 30 seconds was a good idea, and he managed to turn that into a last second field goal and win the game. He even then decided to give this creepy post game interview to just really make sure I never liked him:
BroNation Power Rankings
1, Emmanuel Sanders
I have to say, i really love when OG BroNation members get some attention. And this week has a few. Emmanuel Sanders more than any BroNation member has probably forced my disloyalty to a specific team by moving around like he has. Settling in with other BroNation standout Diggs, Sanders is set to make all of us keep loving him up in Buffalo. Between posting selfies contemplating becoming an instagram model and catching passes like this - he might be always be in the power rankings.
2. Sean McVay
I’m going to break the mold here a bit and give a coach a shoutout. We actually took time during the SuperBowl two years ago and ranked the hottest coaches - might need to refresh our rankings there. As many of you know, there is nothing I love more than a hype man, and McVay is the ultimate hype man. Honestly, just bottle up his energy and give me whatever he’s having.:
3. Myles Garrett
This one feels a little sad to give a shoutout to someone who beat up the Bears so badly, but also - someone with 4.5 sacks and a lot of dance moves isn’t going to get missed on this radar. I still love Garrett as an example of how the NFL doesn’t stay mad for more than week after he used a helmet to fight Mason Rudolph and essentially got a scolding. Maybe he’s just learning how to channel that anger into destroying the Bears.
4. Jalen Ramsey
I’m shocked honestly that it took until Week 3 for Jalen to do something noteworthy. Far and away my trash talking favorite, I also love that Ramsey has managed to get more than one player to punch him in his helmet. He did put in an impressive off season of attempting to recruit players to come to the Rams, he put a strong effort out there for Stephon Gilmore, Jamaal Adams, and my absolute favorite Julio Jones. Imagine if those two had been together in LA? Goodness. What got me this week was his coordinate car / costume for his walk in. I’m not even sure if I like it but I’m here for this energy.
I might have to say that the outfit did it for me, but it’s plays like this that really get you into the power rankings:
5. Travon Diggs
Now, he’s for sure just here temporarily and because being related to Stefon Diggs gives you enough adjacent swag to get my attention. But, this week was amazing for Travon. He managed two interceptions including a pick six against the Eagles on Monday night, and he looks like he’s just getting started. TBD on whether he gest to come to BroNation for good…
Bros in the PreGame
DeSean Jackson
I have to admit DeSean Jackson flip flops around in BroNation, but I have a strong feeling that catching bombs from Stafford all year might help his case. In football terms he’s essentially in the senior living home … but he’s getting past defenders like this? You have my attention…
Jameis Winston
Gotta love the absolute lack of consistency. Winning by more than 30 points, losing by more than 30 points, then destroying the Patriots this week? Its actually everything I need from Jameis. Its his moments like this TD that for sure could have been a classic interception that keep him on the radar:
Getting Bro Looks
Odell Beckham Jr.
I mean - who am I kidding - OBJ is obviously comfortable in his BroNation status, but I do just want to give him a minute to find his footing again this season. This was his first week back, and while I saw no antics like getting in a fight with a net and then proposing to it later on - I could sense he was going to have something good in store for us this year. For now - we wait.
The Recaps
Sean Lost This Year 140.44
Fresh Prince of Helaire 116.94
I did like the point in this match up where we all thought Ezekiel Elliot might run enough to bring Ross the upset, but to Craig’s benefit Jalen Hurts was able to score a few points. Where Ross missed out on a lot of points was not starting Kareem Hunt against the Bears? Must’ve not realized the Bears would be unable to stop anything…
Chief Gordon 128.14
Hitch Cocks 125.02
I forgot that Richie enjoys changing his name every week which absolutely kills me. I can barely keep up with who is who as it is. Richie managed this close win even with AJ Brown leaving the game with an injury. Richie, in true BroNation support, is waiting for Josh Gordon to make his debut on the Chiefs. I find it hard to believe that the Chiefs felt like they needed another offensive weapon … but I also am ALWAYS here for Gordon to be in the league…
Hardmans Hard On 131.42
What it do … jPugh 123.28
Well guys, Sean is back to winning. So everyone should just buckle up for the trash talk. He even somehow managed to be keeping up with the group chat while he was in Copenhagen, so seems like he’s found the ability to commit to something. When CMC went down in the Thursday night game, I think we all saw a glimmer of hope that Sean might struggle for a few weeks, and then out of nowhere Mike Williams crushed the Chiefs.
Also deserving of some love is Justin Jefferson this week. He honestly should be getting Bro Looks since he manages plays like this AND has his own celebration? Just warming up to someone who took over for Stefon Diggs…
Aaron Rodgers Lost Cup 150.8
Dak Dynasty 93.72
Erik in general just had a brutal week, besides Dak no one really decided to show up. Neil on the other hand, almost every player had a great game. One of the more alarming games to watch this week was the Ravens coming off of beating the Chiefs and then almost losing to the Lions? I haven’t paid much attention to anyone in Detroit since Megatron, but I think Swift getting Neil the most points and pulling off this airborn move might warrant some looks.
Diane Diane 100.4
Field of Bros 87.84
Having -8 points on my roster from the Football Team was super helpful in this match up. I also really felt like CeeDee Lamb was going to help me get this win, especially when he started with a 44 yard catch, but then Dak decided that they would just run it over and over again. Does this look like a first play that results in nothing else?
Tompa Bay of pig skins 121.58
Chirag Chirag 102.54
I think the most alarming part of this match up is that Chirag decided to play Daniel Jones as his QB, and it was actually the right decision of his two options? I refuse to believe that you’re going to be happy with this dude as your main man tho.
There were a lot of points left on Chirag’s bench, which when you’re playing Derrick Henry on the other team you can’t really do. Admittedly Julie does have a solid group of players, with most people on her bench also outscoring Chirag’s starters. Watching Tom Brady lose this week was really special tho, and I think there were a few moments where the Rams Defense teased being able to really knock him off his game.
He even looks like he’s already whining about something.
And we’re onto Week 4. Keeping an eye on what Tom Brady does going home to the Patriots after losing to the Rams, hoping for more overtime nail biters and hopefully a Packers loss.
week 2 . 2021
Well guys, we’ve made it through Week 2. Chicago abruptly went from 90 degress to 60 degrees an rainy, so it feels like football is officially here to stay.
This week started with - an exciting game between the Giants and the Football Team? I’d hunkered down to watch bad vs. bad, but didn’t realize it could actually be exciting. The Giants lost on a last minute off sides call that resulted in a re-kick and the game. We’ll talk about the Julio Jones touchdown later, I think this was the second worst call this whole week. And while the internet says it was a bad call, but we all know the NFL isn’t great with apologies for, well anything.
The Sunday morning games resulted in a whole bunch of blow out matches, every quarterback getting hurt within 5 minutes, and the Bears managing a win and hurting Andy Dalton so we get to finally see Justin Fields this week. Sunday resulted in Tyrod Taylor, Tua, Andy Dalton, AND Carson Wentz being injured. There was a minute where Baker Mayfield also hurt himself but I think he hyped himself back into shape. The most outrageous thing to come out of these injuries was talk that the Dolphins might “restart their conversations with Deshaun Watson”? I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that 22 counts of sexual abuse wouldn’t even phase Florida.
The afternoon games brought 3 out of 4 games being decided right at the end, and my favorite event with the Vikings kicker missing a field goal to lose the game.
Kansas City and Baltimore gave us the Sunday Night game of our dreams, but I’d like to raise the flag on one celebration. Should we all do a life check on Byron Pringle who thought it was a good idea to do a Ray Lewis celebration? We all know he murdered people, right?
What is really the most important topic for me coming out of Sunday is the new taunting rule. I’m 99% sure every time it was called it was incorrect, and I have to say its going to limit my recruiting for BroNation if I can’t see any taunting and need to rely on the full blown fights to pick my players.
BroNation Power Rankings
Julio Jones
I mostly am not a fan of my fellas having any success taken away from them, so he gets the shoutout this week because he managed to remember to play the game this week, and he had an amazing touchdown they took back from him.
we all agree we see green there, right? he’s in.
2. Stefon Diggs
Last week felt confusing when I didn’t get to see much swag or many points from Diggs. Thankfully the swag is back in full force and I can continue my application process to be invited to the Bills Mafia. The Bills winning 35-0, albeit against the Dolphins, is the kind of energy I need from them this season. This side eye from Diggs after his catch is what got him to this spot:
3. Najee Harris
Yes, this is a pre-mature power ranking for Najee, but we all know I’m a sucker for a running back that takes people out like a bulldozer down the field, and I’m pretty sure he’ll be doing that all season. I also read that Marshawn Lynch is his mentor? So sign me up for the two of them being best friends. This stiff arm tho - how is that not in the best things that happened this week?
4. Gronk
What i think none of us anticipated this year was the Manning Brothers actually stealing Monday Night Football. Their commentary, guests, and general awkward antics are better than both games we’ve seen so far. They had the OG BroNation frat boy on Monday night and he took the internet by storm saying he doesn’t watch film. Part of me loves this (just be a beast), and part of me hates this (I think i secretly like the idea that he’s a bafoon in public but super smart secretly). Either way, Gronk is always good TV.
Bros in the PreGame
Budda Baker
I’m not sure if Budda brings much BroNation to the table, but I couldn’t not give him a shoutout for his flare getting off the field. I’ve seen the no hands front jump before, but he’s bringing some new tricks to the table this year:
Lamar Jackson
Lamar can’t be in the power rankings because I’ve never committed to a BroNation quarterback since Kaepernick, and I don’t think I’ll start with an anti-vax one who literally keeps getting Covid. All of that aside, Lamar is an absolute beast. Between throwing the ball while jumping in the air - to flipping into the end zone, his Sunday night performance to finally beat Mahomes is worth a spot somewhere on the list.
Getting Bro Looks
Kyler Murray
This week brought me something I didn’t know I needed - which is internal team shit talking. The weekend started with some back and forth twitter action between Murray and Chandler Jones, and it ended with a TD celebration in honor of the insults. Is this everything I need from football? Pretty much.
90% sure Chandler Jones is in my top 5 people to not start a fight with.
I saw one article that claimed he’s never seen Star Wars and didn’t know what he was doing, and frankly I refuse to accept that.
The Recaps
What it do…j pugh 143.06
Field of Bros 126.52
I’ll just get my losing recap out of the way first. Mostly Lamar Jackson (see his shoutouts earlier) carried Jason to victory, but he got a good amount of help from Brandin Cooks and Terry McLaurin. Brandin Cook’s moment to show us what he’s got is this week when he goes from a B-Team QB to the backup for that B-Team QB.
What I’m most confused about is how Herbert could have this amazing throw, and still only get me 14 points? I am devastated I didn’t play Teddy Bridgewater and take my team to victory with Jason’s Broncos leading the way … next time.
Tompa Bay of pig skins 137.94
Fresh Prince of Helaire 101.42
If anyone had warned me that this was the year Julie figured out fantasy, I would have never believed you. Turns out it took over 5 years of drafting for her to find out there were cheat sheets - so really its just a shoutout to the internet.
Julie had the week that literally every other fantasy owner of Derrick Henry had, and there was no chance that Ross would be able to beat her. Everything about Henry makes me want to have him in BroNation, but despite 900 touchdowns a game I’ve yet to see a good celebration. Can we also all agree his hair is the worst thing in football?
Sarah Sarah 108.36
Chirag Chirag 94.54
I’m taking any and all suggestions for both Sarah and Chirag’s team name - so Sean give me your most offensive pass at it. Sarah didn’t have too many standout performances, all of her guys just averagely showed up for her, which apparently is all she needs.
Chirag on the other hand has to be so angry he essentially lost because Jameis was being, well, Jameis. How do you go from beating the Packers 38-3 to losing to the Panthers 26-7? A whole bunch of inconsistency is how. Can’t wait to go on this Jameis journey…
Sean Lost This Year 149.00
Hardman’s Hardon 140.62
The real MVP this week is Craig, who also modified his team name to really pour salt in the wound for Sean. We all know Sean went into Monday night thinking he won, and much like this Craig said - nuh uh. Never celebrate too soon, Sean.
Craig really owes his entire victory to Aaron Jones. He wore a necklace with his dad’s ashes in it, lost that necklace, had four touchdowns, and then found the necklace. Just your typical Monday night rollercoaster. This was his 3rd TD, when Sean still had a chance to win.
Cooper’s Kupp 132.10
Aaron Rodger’s Lack of Cup 119.72
Did anyone anticipate the whitest man in the NFL being the one that really brought Richie to victory? Not much glory in this being your namesake.
The only thing worse than this was the Packers having a great game. Mind you, they were playing Jared Goff and the Lions … but there was more life in that game than being blown out by the Saints. Also, I got a small reminder why I think Aaron Rodgers is the absolute worst, let’s not pretend you’re cool, A-A-ron.
Diane Diane 126.00
Dak Dynasty 105.18
Diane - you’re essentially a mascot professional - we know you can name your team. Let’s see what you got next week.
Kyler Murray is really leading Diane to her victories, but if Barkley is able to get his feet under him again she might become a real threat. Watching Barkley get tackled hard while Daniel Jones runs away with the ball is a special level of sad tho…
Another rough outlook for Erik’s team is Nick Chubb being out for 6-8 weeks. I’m not even sure if he gets his own yards as is tho - just needs a little push?
And we’re onto Week 3. Here’s to dance celebrations, taunting calls, and all the swaggy behavior.
Week 1 . 2021
Guys. We made it. I know 2020 was a break in the recaps and the blog, but in all honesty every week I assumed the NFL would get shut down. Looking back I should have definitely known better. I promise to do better this year.
First and foremost tho, I’d like to apologize that I’m real rusty at this. I also think I slimmed down who I followed on instragram so even BroNation’s radar got a bit smaller. For anyone new to the league or the blog - make yourself familiar with the term BroNation. Honestly means nothing more than my favorite group of players - but in the past I’ve laid out what we’re looking for … in case you have any suggestions for the roster:
Attitude. Some say arrogance? I just like to know they know how good they are.
Dance skills. If you’re tackling or scoring touchdowns and NOT dancing? Lose my number.
Style. I’ll take this in anyway. I love a good locker room walk-in outfit. If you’re DeAndre Hopkins I accept full model shoots. However they want to stand out.
Social Media. At the end of the day I just need to see stories where they are working out. How else would I know how hardworking they are? It’s also where some of my best content comes from.
Actual skill. Likely the least important, but we can’t have anyone dragging the team down.
Height. I’m putting this last because I’d like to pretend I’m not cutting anyone shorter than 6′. We have “baby bro nation” for that reason. This also results in me loving most Tight Ends just solely based on their stature.
Endorsements. I like someone who knows their career could end any minute and really leans into the right endorsements or partnerships. DK Metcalf being sponsored by Nesquik? Reason enough to love him.
The Week
This week shot us right back into the usual chaos of NFL emotions - Tom Brady is hurting everyone’s feelings with a last minute win, the Falcons managed to be so bad the Eagles looked good, the Browns came out hot and completely fell apart by the end of the game, the Bears were disappointing as always, and Aaron Rodgers might be throwing football games to prove how badly he doesn’t want to live in Wisconsin.
Can’t just harp on the Bears being sad - Matthew Stafford went out and found some swagger in LA. I forgot how good the rams offense can be, and watching Stafford throw bombs felt like something worth watching:
One of my biggest questions of the weekend is what happened to Sir Purr - and WHY the Panthers decided this was the right way to open the game?
If anyone forgot - this is the Sir Purr I am used to:
And, before we get into the meat of the recap - just a small shout out to the big man group celebrations.
BroNation Power Rankings
This section might just get a dedicated slot for DK Metcalf, but in the meantime we will keep up a Top 5.
DK Metcalf
As if I didn’t love him enough, he goes and wears an outfit as a shoutout to Michael Jordan? That is one way to start the season strong in my book.
At this point his actions feel like a personal attack on my heart.
Since the first week technically embodies all of the off season, I’d like to also give this t-shirt of Metcalf’s a shout out. Imagine not looking like him and thinking you could wear this shirt in public?
2. Von Miller
It feels really good to have Von back in the BroNation power rankings. I could essentially watch his sack celebrations on a loop for the entire day, and I’m just happy to know he’s bringing new material to the table in 2021:
3. DeAndre Hopkins
You know what a good way to get my attention on a Sunday morning is? Release a hype video an hour before kick off. Hopkins is a seasoned BroNation member so he knew how to get my day started. I’m on the fence about the decision to workout in a bucket hat, but if anyone is going to convince me its cool it will be Hopkins.
Hopkins started this season the way he left it off - with insane catch after catch. One of my favorite things is when other players hype each other up. You know Hopkins is a beast when AJ Brown and Julio Jones can’t get over him:
4. Darren Waller
I have to commend Derek Carr for trying so hard to have Waller have an even better game than he did, but my estimate is that every fourth ball actually made it close enough that Waller could grab it. Waller is top BroNation after Hard Knocks showed him working out on his stationary bike talking about all of the difficult things he’s overcome. Want me to listen to your feelings? Show me your workout regimen while you talk through it. He nailed it. That being said this meme sums up why he’s in my top five this week:
5. Antonio Brown
AB is still in probation from his looney tunes behavior, but when he plays like he did on Thursday I forget he launched his No White Women 2020 campaign and think about bringing him back. It definitely helps his case that I’m imagining him being best friends with Gronk as they caught every pass and mutiple touchdowns Thursday night - really bringing back OG BroNation vibes in 2021.
Bros in the Pre Game
Jalen Hurts
I am a sucker for an underdog story so his college career story really did it for me initially, plus then last year I got to root against Carson Wentz which just always feels right. He’s putting in some effort to be the first quarterback actually to make BroNation status - and I feel like his walk in swag might be what gets him an invite.
Jameis Winston
Overlooking the last few years - Winston was on BroNation’s radar when he was a rookie. Maybe sometimes you just have to throw interceptions 50% of the time to find your groove. Needless to say I’d like every post game interview to be like this one:
Getting Bro Looks
The Denver Broncos
This one is less of a look, and more of a nostalgic glance. I dove deep on the Broncos a while ago for a good 4-5 years. Mostly until they traded everyone I loved away besides Von Miller. They not only looked good at moments, but they pulled off a swaggy group celebrations which means I’m watching…
The Recaps
Before we get into any of the recaps - I need to first apologize to the rest of the league that I accidentally included another Packers fan. It’s been my duty as commissioner to remove the bajillion Packers fans I let into the league, and I slipped up and let another in. Thankfully we’ve gotten our numbers down to 3, but who knows how difficult Erik will be.
We also have until next week to update our team names or I’ll let Sean name everyone’s team and no one will like that.
Tompa Bay of pig skins 176.66
Sarah Sarah 119.1
I’m starting with this one because I still can’t believe that Julie managed to figure out fantasy football. I think anyone who had Amari Cooper on their team probably would have fared pretty well, but pretty much every player showed up for her. Julie having Waller and Claypool on her team is a cry for BroNation to be let free. Let him go, Julie:
Sarah had a fighting chance if she’d played Gronk or Corey Davis with their combined 55.7 points. Can’t blame her for not trusting the Jets, I for one feel like we definitely shouldn’t trust this guy.
Fresh Prince of Helaire 105.54
Sean Sean 104.8
PHEW. This one is brutal. For one - I feel like Sean always needs to be knocked down a few notches. But on the other hand, Ross is the reason we can’t like or emphasize our group texts - so how do you cheer for that guy? Tyler Lockett got Ross the bulk of his points, but who cheers for the player who takes away TDs from DK? Not this girl.
Hollywood Brown is going to be too good for Ross - aside from being Antonio Brown’s cousin he’s bringing his own flare to the game. If anyone didn’t notice their signature catchphrase of “Call God” on his eyeblack, that really did it for me. Also can’t not love breaking ankles:
Dak Dynasty 161.32
What it Do … jPugh 114.32
Looking at Erik’s team after week one is rough - I feel like there are not many weaknesses to even comment on. Hoping I just need a week or two to find his weaknesses.
A draft pick that I admittedly did give Jason a hard time for really paid off - Melvin Gordon chopped his locks and tracked the fastest run of the week. He got OVER 21 MPH on this run … I’m still processing that.
Neil Dealz 142.38
Chirag Chirag 86.86
After we all found out that Neil has been paying $70/yr for fantasy advice and didn’t even take advantage of his access to Disney+, I feel like Neil deserved this win. Let’s hope he’s also at home watching all the Marvel movies he can handle. In addition to his obvious high scorer in Mahomes, Neil scooped up D’Andre Swift. Swift should expect to get Neil a lot more points as the Lions settle in with Jarod Goff who has already settled into the Detroit way and was falling apart.
Baby Hands 98.52
Diane Diane 87.56
Richie was really lucky he played Diane and no one else in the league. Ignoring that Richie had an absurd amount of points on his bench, he doesn’t get credit for them. What really let Richie down here was his attachement to the Green Bay Packers. Although I don’t disagree that Rodgers should have been a good pick, the memes created about his current look have been making my entire week.
Sean Lost Last Year 124.86
Sheilah Sheilah 119.88
Going into Monday Night Football with all of your hopes resting on one player never works out well, and thats definitely what settled my loss to Craig. With Jalen Hurts as one of his top scorers, we know that I am not going to give him a hard time. He also saw 25.7 points from TJ Hockensen which brings another Tight End into the picture, but also proves that Jared Goff just needs really big targets in order to hit them.
Admittedly I think it was my heart drafting Julio Jones that messed me up a bit, so I’ll be focusing my love on CeeDee Lamb and Hopkins for my BroNation WRs. CeeDee Lamb really secured his spot in my heart after seeing more of him on Hard Knocks, but let’s be honest it was this move during draft night that got him a spot in my heart:
Girl, that’s not your phone.
With that - we’ve made it through Week 1. Let’s hope we get more walk in fashion, dance celebrations, and maybe a fight or two to get us going in Week 2. Let’s get hyped.
week 15: the recap
Well, guys, we have ALMOST made it to the end of the season. We at least are about to enter our last weekend for fantasy football … and then the real recaps start when I can focus all my attention on BroNation and not the league.
This does also mark the beginning of the part of the season where I could watch football analysis shows all day and still not understand who needs to win and who needs to lose to make it to the playoffs. I’m accepting SuperBowl predictions any time anyone wants to throw those around.
Now, I have to admit it has been a LONG time since I watched football and recapped. A special thank you to Ross for picking up the torch for me while I was out of the country. No thank yous to the rest of the league who took it as a chance to talk trash about me being commissioner and deciding to take a vacation.
A favorite of ours to bash on - we might have seen Eli Manning’s final game in the Giant’s stadium. He went out the only way I’d expect him to, throwing 3 INT but managing a win to bring him to a total record of 117-117. The definition of average. I’ll miss getting to watch him be terrible but still remembering when he beat Tom Brady in the SuperBowl.
This week also produced what might be one of my favorite things to come out of this season: The Sad Somersault. There wasn’t much to celebrate this week for the Steelers, so I feel like this sums up the game:
Game to watch this week? The Rams against the 49ers - the old guard battling the new guard that is putting in quite the effort. I’m not convinced the Rams are doing much to be BroNation notable this year, so let’s see if they can prove me wrong:
BroNation Power Rankings
Now, as we look at power rankings these week it is important to consider we’re getting towards the end of the season when we see who gets to make the official BroNation list and who is Leighton Vander Esch that just stole my heart for a week.
George Kittle | Guys. I feel like I tried to resist Kittle as a BroNation favorite, and as I’ve grown to love him this season I’m not really sure why I fought it in the beginning. His level of enthusiasm about pretty much anything is what I need more of in my life. They also talked about how blocking is his favorite thing in football, and if you can give me 120% at something that no one will give you kudos for, you deserve a second look. Also - this type of behavior will continually get you on my radar:
2. Lamar Jackson | You all know I’m hesitant to put Quarterbacks in this list - maybe they already get all the attention and someone should focus on tight ends more? But Lamar Jackson is not only putting out the most fun football to watch, he’s also been trolling his trolls since this season started and I love it. After his “not bad for a running back” comment I was listening - and after a commentator said he was harder to guard because of his dark skin and the football being hard to see - he went ahead and wore all white sleeves and gloves. Keep trolling the trolls and BroNation will keep looking, Lamar:
3. Mark Ingram | It’s impossible for me to give a shoutout to Jackson and NOT give a nod to one of my favorites. I am a real sucker for hype men. I’ve stood at more than one rap concert and dreamed of being the man waving a towel standing on top of a speaker to get the crowd going, so maybe I need “Level of Hype” as a indicator for BroNation. Mark Ingram’s level of hype is exactly where I want it to be:
4. Julio Jones | Mixed feelings on how Julio decided to show up against the 49ers that somehow knocked them into the wild card spot - but I am also always here for a good Julio Show. I 100% thought the 49ers had made it and then Julio busted out the last minute catch that took the game in the last few seconds. I think the only person who might be more impressed with Julio than I was is Matt Ryan:
5. Ryan Tannehill | This is a complicated choice for me - but I figure he’ll never make BroNation and he’s really crushing it so I feel like he can get a shoutout. In case anyone missed his absolutely insane tackle, take a look. I do LOVE a good big guy touchdown so I’m glad this tackle made up for missing out on that celebration:
I will admit that I googled Tannehill to see if there was anything else to add to my liking of him besides his great couple of weeks and all that the Googles told me was that his wife rented a car once and left an AR-15 in the trunk when she returned it. So this is his last shoutout for sure. I do miss him on the Dolphins, and will never forget that his injury allowed us all the pleasure to watch Jay Cutler come back to a game he never really loved in the first place. This alone (he’s at the bottom left):
The Stats
Highest Score: 124.72 points, Or No Luck At All (Neil) - Wellllll. This regretfully proves your point that your team is doing well you’ve just had some bad match ups. I’m not even sure who is playing for what in the consolation bracket. I’d like to submit to ESPN that I need better graphics to visualize who is coming in last place. I think this win is likely to land Neil somewhere around 8th.
Lowest Score: 66.6 points, Just My Luck (Julie) - This seems about right. Congrats on somehow beating Sarah so you shouldn’t come in last place in the end.
Biggest Whoops: Jason admitting that he was exciting last week when I beat Kelly - thinking I was the easier opponent. I might have been ranked 6th coming into the playoffs, but the Field of Bros isn’t going down without a fight.
The MatchUps
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 120.78 points
Billionaire Club (Craig) 114.02 points
Well - thankfully Richie changed his name back. But anyone in the league got to see the dramatic course of all his emotions as he changed his name every quarter to reflect jumping to a few conclusions, it was exhausting. So as expected, Richie’s team was completely unimpressive besides two players and his DEFENSE. Lamar Jackson is his entire reason for being in the playoffs, so there goes all that fantasy advice that Quarterbacks aren’t important.
What was more frustrating was to watch Craig get incredibly close to beating Richie and watching the Bills’ defense take him to victory. These guys:
Craig’s team gave a good effort, making sure that Mark Ingram was able to rack up 22 points to offset the insanity that was Lamar Jackson’s score, so let’s see how Craig does in the brutal fight for 3rd place.
Field of Bros (me) 112.18 points
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 97.10 points
Well. Not going to lie - I was NOT feeling great about this game after the blizzard game in Kansas City, but somehow Drew Brees brought it home for me. For anyone who missed Monday night’s game, Drew Brees broke Payton Manning’s all time touch down record. And the best part? He threw to literally everyone on the team so Jason couldn’t get too far ahead with Kamara and Michael Thomas racking up points. It’s a confusing feeling after I nominated Brees for the whitest guy in the NFL last year to have such feelings of reliance on him helping me win the playoffs next week:
So a big impact on this matchup besides Brees killing it, was the blizzard game in Kansas City. Turns out that meant that Phillip Lindsay was unable to do anything, and the announcers told me that was because he isn’t heavy enough to get and traction in the snow? I loved that reasoning so I excused his poor performance. I do wish that we had just scrapped that game and allowed it to be a snowball fight that Hill started before the game:
These conditions (close call to the 49ers playing in the flood) also give me some of my favorite celebrations:
The Consolation Games
As I mentioned before, I have no way of figuring out who is going for last place. I’ll wait for one of you to correct me in the group chat and explain it to me. A few highlights from the consolation games:
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 107.66 points
Back That Pass Up (Kelly) 93.5 points
This was the real battle for 5th and 6th place. Kelly chimed in mid-Sunday cursing Diane and we all couldn’t help but question that she maybe didn’t realize she lost the playoff game last week and was fighting for 5th.
Despite Matt Ryan beating the 49ers and actually having a decent game for Kelly, everyone else on her team just brought mediocrity so she was not able to take Diane down.
I’m still convinced Diane gave up on this season when she traded Michael Thomas away for Jarvis Landry. She also left Emmanuel Sanders on her bench while he was out trying to prove he was still relevant and #neverlooksugly as he proved to me over the off season on instagram.
My favorite part of Diane’s team is her best part of the team. Big shoutouts to Kenyan Drake for escaping Miami and REALLY flourishing while he lives out the rest of the year on another struggling team. At least his stats are awesome even if they can’t win.
Drop Deebo!!!!!! (Chirag) 116.16 points
Ezekiel 19:21 (Sean) 98.62 points
I wish I could tell you what place this was setting them up for - but all that really matters is that Sean lost, right? Chirag benefited from Tannehill’s BroNation worthy performances, and he got a great game out of Julio Jones, who frankly is a real rough fantasy pick since he can either explode or just get 200 yards and no touchdowns.
Sean is being saved from total disaster in the post season by Jameis Winston whose stats are absolutely killing me. He’s getting records for interceptions while also getting records for touchdown passes. Pick a lane Winston. When he first got drafted I was half on the Winston train until he went and harassed an Uber driver. As someone who has more than once accidentally utilized my Uber as a therapy session, his lack of respect shot him down the list. Well always remember the crab legs tho:
Or No Luck At All (Neil) 124.72 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 66.6 points
I appreciate that Neil controlled himself all season and stuck with Hot Chubb Time Machine, and I also appreciate this dig while he brought in the most points of the week. I think what I appreciate the most is that Neil is fighting for not last place and is still active on the waiver wires. Picking up Miles Sanders and having him be your top scorer? No one else is tracking the Eagles third string at this point - but Neil is committed. Hopefully it means he stays away from last place for sure.
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 113.54 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 90.64 points
So is this for last place? All I know is that Sarah lost to Julie. So that feels like what this game is for.
Ross’ team out here getting carried by the Patriot’s Defense which is irritating every week. What I do like is that his other top scorer was a Titan’s WR who was out there scoring points against his Houston Texans. Thankfully the Texans brought Ross a win - since I heard that they did NOT do so well against the Broncos one of the weeks I was gone. What else I heard? They not only lost to the Broncos, they lost to a Broncos QB whose celebration is a nod to Buzz Lightyear…
I’ll just be over here re-opening “whitest guy in the NFL” list.
My favorite gif this week I couldn’t fit into the recap
I still don’t know what is happening here - but I love a good sloppy moment:
And we are on to our LAST WEEK OF FANTASY FOOTBALL. It is also a weekend full of saturday games and lots of math of the odds of teams making the playoffs. So I guarantee I’ll be confused most of the weekend.
Wish me luck - we should all be rooting against Richie.
week 12: the recap
Sheilah’s still gone! We haven’t burned down the house yet so we’re doing something right over here.
Week 12. The Ravens are unstoppable. The 49ers are unstoppable. The Jets…looked good? After a drama filled week last week we were treated to a week of blowouts featuring basketball-like scoring from half the league. Lamar Jackson can just sit out the rest of the year dancing on the sideline and wrap up this MVP season with no pressure after the Ravens dismantled last year’s BroNation darlings the Los Angeles Rams. Could there be another favorite team on the horizon for Sheilah when she gets back? Hint: Yes.
Celebration of the Week:
Following up last week’s newest segment - I present the 49ers collective surfing celebration with a callback nod to their water soaked field slip and slide from a few weeks ago:
The Stats
Highest Score | Trillionaire Club (Richie) 130.6 points, We’re really going to let Richi go undefeated this season aren’t we…KELLY YOU’RE OUR ONLY HOPE!
Lowest Score | Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 52.3 points, Two weeks in a row and the same highest scorer and the same lowest scorer - this one doesn’t have the BYE to blame this week…just disppointing performances across the board (okay not your Robby Anderson, you were good).
Biggest Whoops | Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag), Hollywood Brown - 16.2 points, This wouldn’t have changed the result of the matchup, but leaving someone named Hollywood on the bench with Lamar Jackson throwing the ball - that’s on you Chirag…
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 109.6 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 52.3 points
This was a runaway performance by Neil - Robby Anderson and Matt Prater showed up for Sarah, but everyone else mysteriously had nothing happening this week. Neil was carried by Deshaun Watson and Nick Chubb this week and for whatever reason Nick Chubb celebrates touchdowns by walking away with a deadpan stare…so here’s Deshaun doing Deshaun things:
Field of Bros (Sheilah) 93.6 points
Back that Pass Up (Kelly) 111.6 points
Sheilah received great performances from Brees, Bell, Hopkins, and Ertz and somehow only had 93.9 points this week - but the Jets defense (what...) and Chris Godwin stole the show for Kelly with a massive week including highly improbable touchdown catches from the latter:
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 130.6 points
Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) . 80.4 points
No one can stop the Richie freight train - unbelievable performances from Christian McCaffery, Leonard Fournette, and Lamar Jackson made this a runaway week despite a solid week from OBJ and Kittle on Chirag’s team. Dak’s disappointing week didn’t help the cause this week, but facing the team with Lamar is producing familiar results every week so far.
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 75.1 points
Mitches Get Stiches (Diane) 59.6 points
In a matchup of teams from the one trade that’s occurred this season - Diane started off solid with Jarvis Landry stealing the show right away and easily outperforming the other side of the trade in Michael Thomas, but outside of Josh Allen nobody else showed up this week…except Emmanuel Sanders celebration game:
Ezekiel 23: 19-21 (Sean) 80.4 points
Billionaire Club (Craig) 63.1 points
The consistent play from Mark Ingram and Allen Robinson have been solid for Craig during the past few weeks, but the unlikely heroes in Jameis Winston and Derrick Henry helped Sean keep the rest of Craig’s team in the rearview mirror, with Henry absolutely destroying the Jags again and again.
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 80.4 points
Just my Luck (Julie) 63.1 points
This was close for awhile - and with DJ Moore being the only player scoring much of anything this week for my team I had no confidence in this win. Jimmy G and the Steelers D showed up for Julie but everyone else struggled to score this week. A win is a win, but neither of us can seem to score at all which made this matchup highly competitive throughout - DJ Moore you’re my hero:
Onto the final week of the regular season…six teams are fighting for the final two playoff spots which should make this week one to keep a close eye on all the playoff scenarios. Here’s to hoping for a six way tie!
week 11: the recap
Sheilah’s gone! Let’s change the rules, make horrible trades, and blame it all on her when she gets back!
Week 11. Trubisky is back to Trubisky things. The Jags are back to Jags things. The Browns are back to Browns things. Well, not the losing part…just the ability to roster headcase players who lose their mind. After last Monday’s game of the year candidate, this week started with the worst game of the year on Thursday night with the Browns going up against the team arguably having the worst luck this season in the Steelers. Myles Garrett loses his mind after being up 21-7 with 8 seconds left to go ripping off Mason Rudolph’s helmet and unsuccessfully trying to gently place it back on his head. What. The. Hell
Celebration of the Week:
I’m going to take this opportunity to introduce a new segment…I bring you Quenton Nelson - the unlikeliest of heroes…doing a keg stand:
The Stats
Highest Score | Trillionaire Club (Richie) 122.2 points, This is really getting old at this point. Is Lamar Jackson even fair for Richie to start anymore?
Lowest Score | Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 57.9 points, Starting a BYE week Saquon Barkley and an injured Devonta Freeman wasn’t helping the cause this week.
Biggest Whoops | Billionaire Club (Craig), DJ Chark - 22.4 points, I don’t take much joy in this one (okay maybe a little), but starting Tyreek Hill, Allen Robinson, Juju, and Mark Andrews over Chark seemed like the obvious choice. Somehow all four players combined couldn’t equal Chark’s output this week - yeesh.
The Matchups
Ezekiel 23: 19-21 (Sean) 100.9 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 57.9 points
Unfortunately it doesn’t even seem Sarah’s bench could have changed the outcome of this one. An inactive week for two starters aside, Kyler Murray seems to be the real deal and should be getting BroNation looks shortly. Sean’s back to his winning ways this week riding Ezekiel Elliott who’s touchdown celebration this week featured the NFL’s latest trend…the The Dak Warmup.
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 101.4 points
Back that Pass Up (Kelly) 77.7 points
I imagine everyone but Kelly has enjoyed the rapid downfall in Tom Brady’s performance this year, yet somehow the Pats keep winning despite Trubisky-like performances from Touchdown Tom. Neil survived Watson’s worst week that I’ve ever seen with a dominant game from John Brown - who’s swag still can’t make Josh Allen look like he has anything to offer BroNation.
Field of Bros (Sheilah) 110.5 points
Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) . 102.6 points
This one got desperate for Chirag, with a Monday night plea for Sheilah’s team to provide a wedding gift of a win for him. Dak Prescott and Marvin Jones carried the team for him this week, but nobody expected Denver to reach quarterback desperation to the point where Courtland Sutton needed to start throwing for them.
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 122.2 points
Mitches Get Stiches (Diane) 93.6 points
Someone has to beat Richie…please! Diane had a solid week despite a Damien Williams injury with Josh Allen somehow winning this matchups quarterback battle. Lamar Jackson is playing to a level that they need to rewrite the fantasy rules for him and is continuing an MVP caliber season that Mark Ingram can get behind.
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 100.1 points
Just my Luck (Julie) 70.1 points
A resurgent week for Julie topping 70 points with an outpouring from Jimmy G and Todd Gurley couldn’t stop the return of Mahomes and the continued success of Kamara and Thomas…but Gurley seems like he’s back and that’s what we’re here for this week at BroNation.
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 69.3 points
Billionaire Club (Craig) 63.3 points
I’ll admit - I had this write up ready to go recapping my pathetic week that featured my defense and kicker as two of my top scorers. An early injury to Tyreek Hill made Monday night a kick off between Craig’s kicker and mine - and the Phillip River proved to be terrible enough that they needed mine a lot more to carry me to a win I’m not proud of. Mark Ingram had a week for Craig and needs should be getting looks for Bro Nation with celebrations like this.
On to Week 12 - if you didn’t realize (because I didn’t) there’s only TWO weeks left in the regular season!
week 10: the recap
Welcome to the week we realize we’re more than halfway through football season. We also went into this week with one remaining undefeated team (not the patriots thank goodness) but regretfully even the 49ers have now fallen. They did give us the game of the season so far on Monday night, and also did some work to solidify being on my radar with the Rams struggling a bit. All the teams in California are the same anyways, right?
I would also like to inform all of you that I am giving the keys to the recap over to Ross for the next few weeks. I will be out of the country for two weeks and since I struggle with time differences of 1-2 hours there is no way I’ll be able to navigate 13 hours time difference. Pray for the Field of Bros team not 100% falling apart.
Bro Nation Power Rankings
Amari Cooper | Now. New to BroNation? Yes. Been on the radar since he got traded and dominated? Yes. Did he shine this sunday with his not one but three tip toe catches? 100%.
2. Robert Saleh | Oh. You thought I only put players on this list? Well turns out that I’m in a fast romance with the 49ers and even their defensive coordinate caught my eye. Maybe its because I’ve spent so many years with Wade Phillips as the defensive coordinator of the Broncos and now the Rams (I still think about the game he got taken off in a stretcher after getting hit) … that this beefcake hype man cheering Richard Sherman on is a breathe of fresh air:
3. Shaquill + Shaquem Griffin | Now. We all know my weakness for a good sports spotlight (Vander Esch making the power rankings a few weeks ago) but I stand by the manipulated feelings that I had during the 5th round of the draft last year when they had me captivated and cheering for a seahawk. Now cue Monday night with Shaquill (also HERE for the twins in the NFL on the same teams? love it.) dominated some plays and all those feelings from their documentary come rushing back. And don’t think Shaquem was left out - he released a new commercial that had me feeling inspired:
Going to be honest tho - this was the video that got them this spot:
4. George Kittle | Kittle is the BroNation member I never saw coming this year. I felt like he seemed like he’s either listening to heavy metal or christian rock - both of which might exclude your attendance at BroNation gatherings. But his level of hype and Jimmy G’s clear reliance of him to be dominant … he’s won be over. I feel like this is the level of enthusiasm is what I dream of having in my corner:
5. Colin Kaepernick | Guys. As one of the OG BroNation members and only quarterback I’ve committed to … this could be a big moment. He’s making the power rankings in case something goes terribly wrong and I’m not getting updates fast enough to know. BUT … the NFL has set up a workout for him in Atlanta and have an undisclosed list of teams coming to the event. Does this mean he’s coming back? I feel like it might be a tease because I’ve learned the NFL never gives you the right thing. Also isn’t this enough evidence - why do we need a workout?
Pre Gaming Bro Nation
Lamar Jackson | I know Lamar should be up in the power rankings, but my heart isn’t there yet. Yes - he’s breaking records and playing better than literally everyone. Yes, I’m here for his bromance with Hollywood Brown. But … no I’m not sold on BroNation status. It might just be that it takes a lot for quarterbacks to convince me they will dance and celebrate the way I need them to. If he continues to beat Tom Brady tho I could see some movement in the power rankings.
This looks SO CLOSE to a victory dance Lamar. So. Close.
Jamaal Williams | I think I missed a core value of BroNation when I left off solid interview content from the list. Jamaal is really putting in the effort in providing me all of the absurd commentary I didn’t know I needed. I wish I could throw this response out anytime someone asks too long of a question at work. Going to try it out and I’ll let you know if I can be as charming as he is:
Getting Bro Looks
Well. This is less of a specific person getting bro looks and more of me appreciating Nick Bosa and Jimmy Garropalo getting in on the fun of the Dak Dance that went viral after Dak’s hip warm up from Sunday night. I do have to say the clip of him dancing to anything was watched more than once … maybe it was the first time I pictured rooting for Dak. Just two examples - and then you should google it for all the memes:
And some people hopping on the bandwagon:
The Standings
As a mid-season check-in and pre-long hiatus I figured it was a good time to just do a status check for our rankings. I’m relying on ESPN to give me a few predictions because those are the factuals (RIP AB … maybe he can get a reality show so I can still get good one liners from him?):
Now … let’s all take a minute and recognize our “trending up” teams:
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 10-0 - WHO WILL BEAT RICHIE. I’d like to ask all of you to pull it together while I’m gone and someone hand Richie his first loss. McCaffrey has to have a bye week or an off week eventually right? Is Lamar Jackson enough to keep him undefeated? All I know is if McCaffrey keeps looking like this walking into games Richie is going to have BroNation on his hands:
Now. This is about 3 more layers than I ever want to see Kenny Stills wear - but we’ll let CMC find his swag.
2. Billionaire Club (Craig) 7-3 - I’m not entirely sure how Craig got here. I’m still convinced he hasn’t figured out the difference between rugby and football. I’m irritated that there are people on his team that I love so I’m inherently rooting for him to win. But the bigger question I had is who ISN’T rooting for Mark Ingram? He’s everything I want in a running back who just plows down the field, and everytime I mention “details” about anything I think about his catchphrase:
3. J Pugh What-It-Do (Jason) 6-4 - Now, Jason is technically tied for third with Kelly and Diane, and at the bottom of that pile with the fewest points. I think we should all accept that Mahomes is back and that means that Jason is back. Jason wouldn’t have been able to win this past week but he might have not been third of the thirds if he remembered that his golden child was making his return…
NOW … on to Week 11. Ross you don’t need to rank BroNation - but any style watches or celebrations are more than welcome for the people.
week 8: the recap
Guys. We’ve essentially made it halfway through the season. I’m not going to repeat that again because I’m in complete denial. We also made it through the trade deadline so I hope that I can recover from all of the whiplash. If everyone doesn’t know I love a good unfounded theory so I was a real sucker for the hypothetical trades too - there were some rough ones.
Now, where are we halfway through the season? The Patriots are being what we expected, but they’ve also had an absurdly easy schedule - so are we really that excited about it? I got duped into a TERRIBLE lecture a couple weeks ago at a conference in LA that promised to explain how the analytics and program developed to schedule games in the NFL could give me insights into how data and analytics are going to change how we work. Needless to say I did not learn anything about that - and all they needed to tell me was that the more money the teams have the easier their season. Which, in the end might also be all I need to know about work life as well.
BroNation Power Rankings
Aqib Talib | Well. I am not pleased to put him on this list for this reason, but when an OG BroNation member get put in a rough spot, he gets a shoutout. Talib was traded to the Dolphins to free up cap space for Ramsey, and since he’s on IR the rest of the season I’m worried we’ve seen the last of him. Let’s reflect on a few of my favorite moments:
How can we not start with the chain yank? I didn’t know until this moment that whether it resulted in someone’s chain being yanked off was a qualifier i needed for whether the fight was intense or not.
I don’t think I’d ever look at Von Miller in a fight and feel like he needed help. But Talib’s eye poke was one that not only ended that fight, but made me know I wanted him in my corner.
Have we probably not talked enough about how being a beast is critical to BroNation status? Look at this.
Mayyyybe a bit of a temper, but to a fault I do like it when someone is passionate. So I just like to see these as passion fits.
So, whether this is goodbye for Talib or if he’ll grace Miami with his attitude and presence, either way we know he will continue to live it up. As the first player that I too excitedly shouted that I love him (don’t worry, he laughed at me) - he’ll continue to set the standard for the rest of BroNation.
2. DK Metcalf | I just wanted to make sure that halfway through the season we revisited the player that I was mocked for being a supporter of. We all know it has been emotionally trying for me to be pro-DK when Russell Wilson is the one throwing the ball to him. I will admit that while I’m pleased he’s showing skills to add to his BroNation rating - the pacifier mouth-guards still confuse me? They change color each week so there is a lot of thought behind it. I’m going to keep focusing on his flex and wait for more dance celebrations.
Yes, we are looking.
3. Cam Jordan | I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Cam Jordan’s consistent ridiculous videos he posts pre-games each week are never not entertaining. While I’ve gotten really bold in assuming most people will respond to Instagram messages I send them — I’ve really be debating giving a shoutout and seeing if he needs a creative director to help him out. I’ll pick up another side hustle for him.
4. George Kittle | I think the most confusing thing about the last few weeks has been whether or not I’m becoming a 49ers fan. I have been reluctant to admit that Kittle might be a BroNation contender, something felt off. After seeing this video of him hyping up Bosa he might have won a place. If you are not familiar, being a hype man is an all time goal of mine. Who doesn’t want to be the guy on the speaker on the side of the stage waving the towel? No one. Everyone wants to be that guy.
5. DeAndre Hopkins | This is really not about anything to do with typical BroNation behavior - but he put a LOT of effort into this so I’ll give him a shoutout. For those of you who don’t know Hopkins that well … there are two things he really loves - fashion and halloween. So it is no surprise he went all in this year for Halloween - how does he look JUST like Will Smith??
Outside of that being impressive though, I also just have a few questions. Last year Hopkins also painted himself completely blue?? If he’s a smurf next year we might need to intervene.
The Stats
Highest Score | Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil), 147.2 points, Neil really put these points to good use and beat the person who had - the least points this week.
Lowest Score | Just My Luck (Julie), 44.3 points, Well - we all knew it was only a matter of time until Julie reclaimed this title.
Biggest Whoops | Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) Chirag put up a great score of 100 points besides that he forgot to pay attention to the continuous news stream that Brees was coming back to work. I’m not even sure why Bridgewater’s final score is -.2 - is that just to taunt Chirag?
The Matchups
Billionaire Club (Craig) 97.1 points
Field of Bros (me) 86.3 points
Well. I’m actually glad that I lost by more than 7 because I was beating myself up about switching out my kicker at 11:57am before kick off. I just looked at my lineup and had THREE Broncos, so felt like I needed to pull it together. You know what that doesn’t mean? Starting a Bills player.
As Craig correctly pointed out mid-match this was really battle of the mediocre weeks. Neither of us had anyone who did much of anything besides that BroNation player JuJu played a central role to me losing this match.
Another fun fact if you weren’t following my team SUPER closely - I started Brees and immediately felt like I had let down Minshew, and I’m just trying out being loyal. I regretted my choice during the first half of watching Brees give me a lot of nothing, but all THREE quarterbacks I’m currently keeping on my team all scored within 1 point of each other. So that means Brees, Minshew and Stafford are all the same, right?
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 101.4 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 77.7 points
Well. Richie is STILL undefeated. And none of us can do anything about it?! Richie is being lead this week by two people that I’ve considered for the title of whitest man in the NLF - Goff and McCaffrey. You know whats even more irritating? He has the 49ers Defense sitting on his bench. Who benches Sherman?? Not me - pass them over please.
Now, Sarah’s main man Saquon did his best to both give her a win and to get the Giants a win as well. Sarah gives herself a double whammy with Murray and Fitzgerald on her team. So when we watched the Cardinals be unable to pull it together, it meant both her flex and her qb were bringing her down.
Back that Pass Up (Kelly) 103.8 points
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 89.9 points
I really like it when people’s hometown guys are the one’s helping them get the win. Kelly was taken to victory on the shoulders of Golladay who managed 2 TDs against the Giants (is that really worth celebrating?
Now, I think we can all probably say we knew that Jason would hurt for the few weeks that Mahomes is out, although Mason Rudolph really did manage a great game for Jason. A game against the Dolphins tho … should probably result in more than 2 TDs. Didn’t Brady score like 51 points the week he played the Dolphins? Jason I’ve heard Mahomes’ injury is healing fast, so hopefully this gets you off track enough to fall in the standings.
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 118.9 points
Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) 100.3 points
So remember when I said I was maybe a 49ers fan? I feel like Ross might be considering the same thing after Coleman got him FOUR TOUCHDOWNS for an amazing 35.8 points. I am personally here for their undefeated season.
Now - I feel like we already covered that Chirag made a big whoopsie by playing Bridgewater. He also has been victim to the inconsistency of this season - how does Marvin Jones go from 33.3 points last week on Chirag’s bench to getting played this week and pulling in 2.2 points. That’s what fantasy owners like to see.
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 113.2 points
Ezekiel 23:19-21 (Sean) 84.7 points
I know Diane is pumped that her boy Cooper Kupp got his day to shine this week. Ever since Diane went to the combine when Kupp was there, she’s been a huge fan. I think he falls into my whitest man in the NFL category … so BroNation might never be in his future, but taking over while his teammates are injured might be more of this guy on our radars
Sean did get a taste of the frustrations of fantasy with Edelman providing him the most points this week after he failed the Michel match up - regretfully not enough to get Sean the win. Is Diane making a comeback? Maybe Michael Thomas was really holding her back (he was not - i take it back).
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 147.2 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 44.3 points
Well, this is both the best score and the worst score - and therefore is not much of a match to recap. Neil has been waiting all season for his high scoring game to not be against another insanely high scoring team. How does it feel, Neil?
The biggest shoutout needed in this game is for DeShaun Watson who not only put up a ton of points in Neil’s mayhem week of points, but that wasn’t the best thing he did. He managed to get pressure, kicked in the face, and then STILL make a touchdown? It’s everything I need in football.
So we are onto Week 9! I’m going to pretend that things are not going this quickly.
So to leave you with my favorite search discovery of the week. Remember when I said i wanted to join Cam Jordan’s creative hype team? Well add another job to my wishlist - can I be this dude whose only job is to try and knock JuJu off balance?
week 7: the recap
Well, we’ve managed to make it through Week 7 and are in the midst of the trade deadline … so I’d say this is one of the most insane weeks for me to emotionally keep up with. You’ll see in the rankings that a few trades involved some of my favorites, and I’m questioning all together who I root for.
We finally had a week where the quarterbacks were some of our top scorers. They say Cam Newton and Drew Brees are both almost ready to come back - although my feeling is only one of them really has a job to come home to.
We also got to see pre-snow storms weather football with the 49ers game looking like the most fun slip and slide situation I could think of.
I will also admit that I spent the two weeks in California, and spent the entire Sunday one weekend somewhere without service (which frankly still confuses me that that is still a thing.) - so my recap will do its best with limited information.
BroNation Power Rankings
Marcus Peters | There was a moment last week when the Rams traded Peters away where I was convinced they’d just given up for the season. With fellow BroNation OG Aqib Talib on IR - why were they shipping Peters off to Baltimore? It only took another hour for me to hear that they’d actually made moves to get Jalen Ramsey from the Jags to understand that they had in fact not given up. I’m just sad I don’t get to see Peters and Ramsey together. Peters makes the top of the list because he not only moved to Baltimore on Tuesday, he got himself an interception and a touchdown. I like it when people get their revenge successes. Just in case anyone doesn’t know why I love Peters so much - act like this and I’m hooked:
Don’t like the call? Get rid of the evidence.
2. Emmanuel Sanders | Well - this one both makes me happy and confused at the same time. I am happy that I no longer need to watch Sanders near tears talking about being in a world of suck, but confused that Von Miller is now my only OG BroNation member left on the Broncos. I already was committed to my love for the Rams, and now I’ve got my eye on the 49ers … I feel like California is making a hard play for my heart and I might be here for it. BroNation has their eye on you Sanders, make us proud:
3. Jalen Ramsey | The other part of the trade that got Peters on the top of the list, we couldn’t leave Ramsey off of the power rankings this week. I’ve always been a fan of his taunting, primarily because it results in so many of the good fights I like to cheer for. I have mixed feelings that he took Peters away from the Rams … but I’m excited to see the Talib and Ramsey combo, just accepting that I have to wait a year for it. Maybe in the meantime we can get some flops like this:
4. JuJu Smith Schuster | Well, in case any of you missed it, JuJu’s dog Boujee had a birthday last week. In case anyone was worried - he got plenty of gifts, shoutouts, AND a party I was a little bummed I wasn’t invited to. I’m waiting on JuJu being back on this list for scoring touchdowns and dance celebrations, but in the meantime his nugget pup will keep him relevant. In case anyone wanted to know how they should show up to hang out with me - JuJu has it nailed:
5. Julio Jones | Julio never gets on to these lists for his antics, besides his one liners about being the best which are too rare as it is. This week Julio spoke out in their locker room defending their coach, and the number of responses from teammates who said that when Julio speaks, everyone listens, is why we keep him on this list. I also went digging for a good gif for him this week and found this petty move mocking Cam Newton when they played the panthers and his BroNation star immediately shined a little brighter:
PreGaming BroNation
Darren Waller | I debated letting Waller jump straight into the power rankings, but I don’t trust the Raiders so I need to see that he can kill it another week. First, love a good breakout from a tight end, and I am so pleased that he was actually started in our no-tight-end league. Second, if you watched Hard Knocks and DIDN’T fall in love with Waller, I think we need to talk about a few things. We all know I’m a sucker for a slow motion workout scene, add in his tug-at-your-heartstrings-comeback story and I’m here for it. Who am i kidding, he’s doing more than pre-gaming BroNation:
Montez Sweat | Now, if you talked to me at all during the combine you know that Sweat has been on my radar since I watched him do a series of ridiculous workouts in a spandex onesie. If you remember from the BroNation intro, I love a good endorsement, and I have to say Sweat really made some moves with this Old Spice ad. I’ve been waiting for it.
The Stats
Highest Score: Billionaire Club (Craig) - 124 points
Lowest Score: Back that Pass Up (Kelly) - 39.1 points
Biggest Whoops: Drop Deebo!!!! - I’m gonna give this to Chirag for NOT playing Marvin Jones while he got 33 points. Yes, that would have made Chirag win, we also should probably assume the Giants are on par with the Dolphins for making their opponents look amazing.
The Matchups
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 88.3 points
Back that Pass Up (Kelly) 39.1 points
Well, despite a somewhat unexciting week, Richie is now officially undefeated. My brain still hasn’t been able to process that he’s any good, so hopefully I’ll catch up. I don’t really have to say though that this week Kelly did not put up much of a fight. It was my favorite kind of awful performance with Kelly’s kicker being her second highest scoring player with a whopping 12 points. If i were her I’d want the Texans to be a little more gentle with one of her only scoring players.
Now, Richie was really lucky that Lamar Jackson played to the critics and became his own running back to get some points on the board. I tend to root for any team that is playing against the Seahawks, but Baltimore really had me in this game and I loved watching it unravel to a total domination at the end.
Richie might also benefit more than this week from Adam Theilen getting hurt, and the Vikings still being on a recovery from the wide receivers going on a complaining campaign. Seems like they remembered how much we all love Stefon Diggs and need to see more of his work.
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 86 points
Drop Deebo!!!!!! (Chirag) 56.6 points
Now I love Mahomes as much as Jason likely does, so I’m also bummed to see him out for a few weeks. Let’s all hope it means we have a chance to knock Jason down from the top spots before Mahomes comes back better than ever.
What I DID like to see was BroNation hopeful Waller being Jason’s top scorer. I think I emotionally pushed all tight ends out of my radar with our roster changes, and I’m feeling like I left some good ones behind. Let’s see if he can be un-raider like and be consistently good for Jason.
Now, I still don’t understand why in a league where you don’t need to play a TE Chirag is playing two? I’m here for Kittle being of value but you’re really testing it. I might be willing to consider Kittle as a BroNation candidate, but we all know I’m just a sucker for tight ends.
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 107.5 points
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 85 points
So I will admit that I came into this recap ready to really hand it to Diane. She traded away Michael Thomas last week and I am not sure I’ll ever understand that or forgive her. I’m hoping that this win means she isn’t fully giving up and throwing anyone else away.
Overall Diane’s entire team crushed it, including Cousins sitting on her bench with 29.2 points. Some of the highest scoring players on both rosters were their defense. I am pleased that the Jags can continue to survive without Ramsey … but much more of an effort was from the Patriots who destroyed the Jets.
I also think that Josh Allen’s stellar game is proof that we should all just be grabbing any player that is matched up against the Dolphins. Because it’s not that this guy is a good choice for someone to Diane to keep starting…right?
Billionaire Club (Craig) 124 points
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 103.3 points
I don’t want to condone any of Neil’s bitching, but I do think he has a point that he keeps being matched up against the people who score the most points. I’m going to ignore the fact that Aaron Rodgers had an absolutely insane game that pretty much single handedly made Craig win, and instead focus on this taunting celebration by Maxx Crosby (because one X isn’t enough in Max…) from sacking Rodgers:
Field of Bros (Me) 84 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 57.9 points
Not going to lie, I definitely didn’t expect to win this week. With Saquon Barkley’s return I for sure thought my motley crew wouldn’t be able to pull it together. What I am happy to report back is that Gardner Minshew was my highest scoring player. Just needed to have faith. When the week started with me deciding to start three Broncos and barely getting 10 points this was indeed a surprise.
Even with her loss I still think Barkley stole the show of this match up with his pre-game quad warm ups:
Just My Luck (Julie) 87.2 points
Ezekiel 23:19-21 (Sean) 80.1 points
GUYS. Julie WON. And she beat Sean. What a good matchup this week. It came down to Michel vs. Edelman. And not going to lie - I’d never assume that Michel would win out in that match up, but it was easier for him to just run all over the Jets and get 3 touchdowns.
Jacoby Brisset is who really got Julie her win, and I think we’re all confused that Luck leaving the Colts didn’t result in them having any struggles? Ross in particular felt that as a confident Texans fan going in to watch the Colts take a divisional win. I think maybe its time we take him seriously.
Well we are onto Week 8! Will Richie manage to stay undefeated? Will there be more group celebrations? Let’s hope.
I’ll leave you with my favorite thing I saw this week. Eric Ebron - you’re making me pay attention:
week 5: the recap
So. If we wanted to know what too many things on my plate looks like - last week was it. I didn’t even realize until Friday when I got a few notes about failing the recap that a whole week had even gone by. I promise to be better.
All that you really need to know about last week is that I spent all of Sunday at Soldier Field becoming a Bears player (that is what happens when you’re in the front row behind the bench, right?), and then never emotionally recovered enough to pull together a recap.
This week? Well we are continuing to have unexpected upsets (Mahomes failed at something? I don’t accept it), the dolphins got a break from losing with a bye week, and the Redskins gave us our first fired head coach of the season.
BroNation Top 10
Not going to lie. This week’s power rankings felt difficult - are the bros not being bro enough? I’ll put in some requests.
JuJu Smith-Schuster | They decided to mic up JuJu last week, and it was pretty much everything I wanted it to me. Now, JuJu is down to their third string QB after Rudolph got a rough concussion from Earl Thomas (who is pretty high on my list of don’t mess people). I am feeling a bit desperate for one of JuJu’s celebrations, so let’s hope as they get to their fourth backup he can still get a few touchdowns. Also - if you want to know one of my favorite mic-ed up moments … its this:
2. Michael Thomas | I feel like Michael Thomas could make this list on his swagger and confidence alone … but I still needed to wait until he had an insane day to give him the honor of being on the list. Anyone who has a unique instagram handle (I’m looking at you Pharoah Cooper a.k.a. @kingtutt_chdown) but an almost cocky handle like @cantguardmike really gets me. I just got a LOT of flexing muscles from him on Sunday - but I’m waiting for him to risk it all again soon and repeat something like this:
3. Alvin Kamara | First, I feel like you can’t go from top of my list to not on the list at all in two weeks (although, who am i kidding. yes you can.) Second, Kamara has enough bro nation clout to just coast the rest of the season. I did a deep dive recently into Kamara and did anyone else know that he was high school best friends with Migos? I feel like we are all at a disservice for not attending school with them. Kamara is also represented by a music manager, which is all the inspiration I need to feel like I can manage NFL players too. Let’s hope that Kamara can get his dancing groove back soon though even without Ingram to join him.
It was the best of the best.
4. Travis Kelce | Given that I missed last week, I’m going to give a belated shoutout to my favorite play I’ve seen this season. Turns out that unplanned hook and ladder is my favorite move? I learned something last week.
Kelce also did have a couple temper tantrums this week (he lost to the Colts, so I would have been mad too) - and while I’m not here for shoving your coach on the sideline (look at you Jalen Ramsey) but BroNation can be humble and I appreciated returning to give hugs when he cooled off.
5. Leighton Vander Esch | Leighton is mostly on this list to prove that BroNation status doesn’t mean I needed to know anything about you prior to this week. You know what’s great about Sunday mornings? Getting little bio documentaries … and Leighton’s “Wolf Hunter” biopic was about his teeny tiny town of like 400 people in Riggins, Iowa. His signature “wolf cry” which is now played over the speakers when he gets a tackle comes from his dad’s bear and wolf hunting business. Besides knowing that he has a solid career to fall back on, we all know how much I love a signature celebration.
6. Stefon Diggs | Now. Stefon Diggs is usually reserved for Baby BroNation (as the captain mind you.) but I don’t have time for power rankings there too, so all the 5-10” fellas in the NFL are welcome to jump up into my radar if they think they can hang. As a big fan of speaking your mind, I was here for Diggs and Adam Theilen complaining about the gameplan the vikings had that resulted in them having no production in the game against the Bears last week. Diggs complained so much that Theilen had the game of his season … and Diggs had this amazing walkout outfit:
Who needs to catch passes when you ARE a catch?
Shortly after the game Diggs solidified his place in my heart posting one of my favorite self-motivation quotes to instagram. BroNation was there to make him feel better with some love from OBJ, Jalen Ramsey, and Darius Slay. We’re all with you Diggsy.
7. Gardner Minshew II | I don’t want anyone to get ahead of themselves and feel that BroNation has identified its quarterback … but I’m here for what Minshew is bringing to the table. Regretfully he was unable to beat McCaffery , but he had quite the highlight reel. Plus - I feel like he’d be top of the list to invite to a party?
8. Justin Houston | Keeping in theme with my outspoken support this week - I was here for Houston’s payback game against the Chiefs. Now - I did NOT like seeing Mahomes fail, but this quote should speak to everyone:
“It’s like your old girlfriend,” Houston said. “If you get a new girlfriend, you want to show her off. To come here and get a win, it means a lot to me — and to the team as well.”
There is a chance I appreciate this more because I watched all the breakdowns of “The Return of The Mack” and i was promised a good revenge game for Mack against the Raiders. Well - when it was 0-17 at halftime it was clear Mack’s new girlfriend was failing him.
That is the look of someone who didn’t make the power rankings this week.
9. Richard Sherman | Yes, he can be a lot. Yes, his comments teeter on arrogant. Yes, I love the trash talk. What’s better than post game trash talk? In game - hyped up - mic-ed up - Sherman. I might play this video every morning as my daily affirmation:
10. Gronk | He. Is. Back. I can’t wait for him to get to top the list because of some insane comment he makes during Thursday Night Football, but for now he’s just getting his power ranking spot shoutout. He makes his analyst debut this Thursday - and I almost can’t wait for him to take it way too seriously. Witten set a low bar before heading back out on to the field … is that Gronks next fate? In the meantime I’m submitting my formal request that the shirt ripping is somehow a part of his analyst role.
I rest my case.
Pre-Gaming Bro Nation
Melvin Gordon | He’s only pregaming because I can’t just accept him back the first week he plays. BroNation isn’t that easy to get. He did make some plays for my heart by really leaning into the stand off that he ultimately caved for - making a series of spoof videos that I’m here for. I feel like maybe he just needed those weeks off to establish some new content for his endorsements…
Christian McCaffery | Christian is only here because I keep being told he should be - and anyone who can make Richie’s team into a winning team is worth some attention. Working with his backup quarterback (but lets be honest, who isn’t these days?) - McCaffery is getting all the meme love that sums up why he deserves a little love:
But today there was a notice that he actually had a back issue? Was i being punked?
On second thought - I did a google for some gifs for McCaffery and I found this and I stand by not allowing him to hang out with BroNation:
Getting Bro-Looks
Nick Bosa | Now. On behavior alone I might let Bosa into the pregame territory. I’d hop onto the Bosa Bandwagon (I’ve loved his brother ever since he got punched outside of Paris Club before his draft…) - but his white supremacist tweets from early college feel like a solid reason he won’t make it to the pregame. I DID love the salty celebration of mocking Baker Mayfield planting the flag on his field in college after he sacked him. All the pettiness.
The Stats
Highest Score: Back That Pass Up (Kelly) | 160 points - Well. There isn’t much to say about now the highest score of the season so far. This is how you do your first year in the league.
Lowest Score: Houston, We Have A Problem (Ross) | 69.7 points - Oh. Boy. Well … someone has to score a tiny bit lower than Julie every week, and this was your turn.
Biggest Whoops: Playing someone on a bye - Mitches Get Stitches (Diane). This one speaks for itself.
The Matchups
Ezekiel 23: 19-21 (Sean) 117.5 points
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 106.4 points
I did really appreciate the point in this matchup when you two were projected .1 point apart … but Neil’s team just couldn’t do it for him. Neil needed Chubb to have the Monday night of his life, and despite the fact that Chubb might have also been the Browns only hope … the Browns never saw the end zone. Did we ever talk about Baker Mayfield being overrated?
The downfall of Neil’s team also came with the realization that now the only two remaining undefeated teams in the NFL are the Patriots and the 49ers. Let that sink in. Does Jimmy G have what it takes? I appreciated all the commentary about “really seeing who the 49ers are”. Felt like we have been on just enough dates with them to know we can have good conversation, but we haven’t yet decided if they might be insane. Even with their record I’m still unconvinced. Stay tuned.
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 105.8 points
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 76.9 points
I still feel confused every week that Richie is now good at fantasy football. So far none of us have been able to beat him, and I’d like us to reflect on a time when he started Torrey Smith for like 6 weeks in a row getting 0 points. Those were the days.
Richie’s entire team this week rested on the 41.7 points that Christian McCaffrey got him - so if he actually IS out with a back issue, we might see Richie come back to earth.
Jason’s team just had an off week - did I mention earlier that Mahomes lost to the Colts? Well that also included Mahomes just having one touchdown and being tackled 1,000 times and limping the whole game. It was like watching Jason lose to Richie in real time.
Field of Bros (me) 125.1 points
Houston, We Have A Problem (Ross) 69.7 points
I hope everyone else realized how important this week was for my emotional attachment to fantasy football. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure losing for a fourth week in a row would have resulted in complete detachment from all of this. In case anyone wanted to know what my pre-game pump up talk was:
It seemed like most of my players got the message but Hopkins is still in his hold out to do anything for my team. There is a reason he didn’t make the power rankings this week…
You know that Ross had a rough week when the Patriots defense was pretty much his highest scoring player. I don’t love rooting for anything on the Patriots now that Gronk has retired … but learning that the McCourty Twins have had the same handshake their whole lives and do it during the games (while being beasts and getting all the picks) makes me pay a little bit more attention to them.
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 110.1 points
Billionaire Club (Craig) 89.4 points
Well guys. Sarah won without Saquon. Despite me actually rooting for the Cowboys (because who roots for the Packers?) and seeing Amari Cooper give Sarah all the effort, I got to watch the Packers still win. Sarah did have Kyler Murray on her bench outscoring Wentz, but he was also playing against the Bengals so I’m not sure that counts?
Craig did have a scoop up of Chark Jr. that I’m a bit jealous of. Besides that my mustached qb gets to throw to him and give Craig the only points worth looking at on his team - I’ve got my eye on him for some stellar celebrations as the season continues.
Back That Pass Up (Kelly) 160 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 74 points
The only work that I did last week towards the recap was finding my favorite gif … which I would like to submit as representation for Julie’s fantasy football season so far:
We just need a little effort here.
Besides that Julie didn’t have a great week…again…Kelly’s team was complete insanity. She took the record now for the most points, making sure that Chirag wasn’t able to have any glory this week. I personally feel attacked by Will Fuller’s MASSIVE game. It’s cool - I didn’t need Hopkins to score any points this week. For now - we can share looks.
Kelly didn’t just have Fuller, Matt Ryan finally showed up but not enough to outscore the Texans 53 points? At least Kelly got the win. She also benched Brady who for his old self had a decent game. I’d like to think Tom Tom would be OK being benched knowing she got a better performance out of Ryan … but I think we all know he sucks:
Drop Deebo!!!!!!! (Chirag) 139 points
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 98.3 points
Chriag was upset mid-win this week not feeling like he could talk enough trash to Diane. I hope you figured out that it’s fair game (although Neil got sensitive Monday night and we might all need to assess that?) - because Diane played Kenyan Drake on a bye. So she deserved to lose.
I have to not be too hard on Diane because she was the reason I got to be first row at the Bears game last week. If anyone wants to know what going to an outdoor sporting event with Diane is bound to feel something like this:
I feel like this might be how Diane feels this week. And the rain curse is real.
Chirag did have himself a week this week - regretfully Kelly was here to outshine him. Chirag benefited from Aaron Jones essentially doing ALL the work for the Packers and scoring 4 TDs.
Considering OBJ scored him a grand total of 3 points, and Sammy Watkins scored 0…Chirag better hope Jones just keeps being the Packers only offensive weapon (how long is Adams out for?). Remember when Chirag made me really stressed considering a trade for Sammy Watkins? Yea - I feel like I trust my never trade policy.
And we’re onto WEEK 6! Here’s looking for more touchdown celebrations, all the trash talk, and a couple unnecessary fights to delay the games.
week 3: the recap
Guys. What is happening in the NFL. Last week was the week of injuries … this week brought not only more injuries, but a slew of top performers who no one knows.
Now, as this recap figures out exactly what its doing - we’re going to try out a few things and see what sticks. What was requested last week that we’re going to lean into was power rankings for BroNation. I’m always happy to give the hardworking men of BroNation as many shoutouts as they deserve.
BroNation Top 10
1. Alvin Kamara | Besides his performance sky rocketing him to the top of this list, more importantly I realized that Kamara never wears a mouthguard. That or he’s so speedy he always has it out of view by the time the camera comes around so he can flash his new grills. I was here for the old ones … but these new diamond encrusted ones are something of a top power ranking player. He pretended to be an ESPN reporter post game and commented about himself not only that he “is a joy to watch“, but that “if we had a segment on counting diamonds in his grill we would lose count everytime.”
2. LeVeon Bell | I don’t know if he’s just still riding the high of his video release for some of his new songs - but LeVeon bell knows better than anyone how to distract me from football when his team is a complete dumpster fire. I feel like I’d really like to request a breakdown of why Falk is better than Kaepernick. I’ll wait.
LeVeon wasn’t going to let the fact that his disaster team was heading in to face the Patriots from him putting together a Sunday morning hype video. Have we talked about what a sucker for slow motion / rap music / sports hype videos I am? I feel like thats how someone could end any fight with me. Just put on a loop of “we ready” videos and I’ll be fine.
3. Travis Kelce | Really just topping the list because I’m here for the enthusiasm. I don’t think he is ever not pumped up, and with Mahomes throwing to me every week I might be equally hyped. He’s been holding back on the dance celebrations, but since there are about 50 more touchdowns Mahomes has in him this season we’re bound to get some gold sooner than later.
4. Kenny Stills | Want to know how you go from flirting with BroNation mostly because you’re besties with Kaepernick to being in the top 5? You throw me a pre-game look that made me realize that shirts should always be optional:
He gave us a preview Week 1 … and I feel like I only partially noticed.
But I saw you this week, Kenny. Vest, Blazer, and just the tattoos? Perfect.
5. Von Miller | Now - I haven’t seen nearly enough dancing or sacks from Von as I’d lke to. I’m giving the Broncos a second to figure it out this year (but see Emmanuel Sanders below). What is helping Von this week is that he’s made his best friendship on the Broncos public - Brandon McManus. Yes. Von Miller and the kicker are best friends. So much that they are in it together to have incredible mustaches and are selling merch:
I feel like I might need to consider this McMiller Stache situation…
6. Cam Jordan | Now. Cam Jordan is newer to the BroNation radar … but I have to say his instagram alone is making me consider an additional side hustle. He has incredible videos, cartoons, and photoshop work that he posts constantly. Is that a position on his staff that I could look into? I’m pretty sure that everything I’ve done up until now has really just been preparing me for that job. Also - this is the enthusiasm that he stretches with. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
7. Todd Gurley | Sometimes - you do something to be in the Top 10 for BroNation. And sometimes you’re just on the list because you’ll always be one of my favorites. This week is not because Todd Gurley did anything to warrant being here.
8. Emmanuel Sanders | This top ranking is because you can’t be a sad BroNation member and not get a shoutout. It’s been a couple years since I’ve seen Sanders twerk - so I’d like to formally ask the Broncos to get it together. How do you get rid of Demaryius Thomas, leave Sanders lonley, AND give him Flacco as a quarterback? The quarterback journey from Osweiler to Siemian to Lynch…then 2017 being a year of going back to your exes and trying out all three again (Osweiler didn’t deserve to be taken back after he said he was as good as Manning. Oh. Are you?)…then giving Keenum a chance before really thinking Flacco would be the solution would make me just as sad as Sanders in his post game interview. In his own words, they are living in the world of suck.
BroNation is here for you.
9. Aaron Donald | So you might say that Aaron Donald is far too serious for BroNation. And you’re probably right. But every group of maniacs needs one slightly less crazy person who has it together enough to get them an uber to the next bar. Also - I’d like to see someone tell Aaron Donald he isn’t the best at everything.
Yep. He might be Top 10 every week.
10. DeAndre Hopkins | Well. You know its been a bad couple of weeks when something saves DeAndre being on the top 10 that isn’t him. I’m not blaming him for the fact that I lost the last two weeks…but I’m also not NOT blaming him. If it weren’t for this stellar cameo in his post game instagram, he might have fallen off the list completely:
Pre-Gaming Bro-Status
Patrick Mahomes | Besides that he might be one of my favorite players to watch - maybe ever, Mahomes is also taking some steps to earn the coveted QB position on BroNation. Right now he’s really just battling it out with Watson - who I think naturally brings a lot more swagger to the table. While there are sometimes nerdy bluffs where Mahomes takes a few steps back:
Let’s chest bump! Nah. Hug it out.
Mahomes is actually creating a standard celebration - and I’m not mad at it. When you have something like that, I don’t need to see dancing from you each week. Mahomes will also continue to throw to literally anyone on the field - making those third string wide receivers no one knows look like all stars. All eyes on you stepping out of the pregame and into BroNation…
This is really most important so that I can get it as a Slack response and incorporate into my professional life.
Keenan Allen | I went all in on Melvin Gordon last year, and frankly am still cheering him on while he bowls or plays video games on his instagram (he’s a great bowler btw. is that a path forward for him?), but never even gave Keenan Allen a chance besides being involved in Gordon’s celebrations. What this week showed me was that Allen is more than ready to throw down some celebrations and carry the Chargers. I don’t know what this move is - but he does it so confidently…
Getting Bro-Looks
Gardner Minshew II | What ISN’T there to love about Gardner Minshew II? I feel like the Minshew Madness is in full effect, and frankly I haven’t heard a story about him that I haven’t liked yet. Between only stretching in his jock strap to keeping his mustache because it was a pact and his other friends shaved theirs … he’s a gold mind of somewhat unbelievable stories. His confidence mixed with just the right about of weirdness has him on Bro-Nation watch:
Kyle Juszczyk | Now. I love a good full back play where they come out of nowhere and bulldoze the field - frankly not enough of those plays right now. But this run really took the cake. Can’t promise he will ever get another BroNation look, but for this week he’s got all eyes on this move:
George Kittle | I mean, the root of this is that I just have a soft spot for Tight Ends and I’m trying to navigate a season without Gronk. I’m honestly on the fence about whether this clip gets Kittle a look for BroNation or if he’s permanently off the list. I’m sensitive to people imitating the Rock, but if the Rock gave him a shoutout I have to as well:
The Stats
I think its safe to say that this year has been a real cluster for the NFL. It’s the year of third string everything and its hard to make the right guesses week to week.
Highest Score: Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) - 136.2 points | In the midst of the quarterback mayhem, the pickup of Watson in the draft that Neil 100% did JUST to piss off Ross is really working out in his favor.
Lowest Score: Back That Pass Up (Kelly) - 61.2 points | Well … with Julie really trying for the lowest score every week, last week I took her out by getting a couple less and this was Kelly’s week to take that honor.
Biggest Whoops: JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) - I don’t even really want to give you this one because who on earth would start anyone but Mahomes … but turns out Russell Wilson was going to take it home and leave over 40 points on your bench.
The Matchups
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 136.2 points
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 122.1 points
Well. This is one of those really crappy weeks for Jason where you outscore pretty much everyone else in the league and you still end up losing to Neil. As I said in the Biggest Whoops - no one can blame Jason for starting Mahomes because he still did better than everyone else’s quarterback. So now its just rude that you have another one sitting on your bench scoring 40 points while the rest of us fight over 2nd and 3rd string quarterbacks. I wanted to say something about how much I dislike Russell Wilson and turns out that googling “russell wilson lame” gets you a whole story where Slim Thug said this:
Young Thug later had to apologize for calling Russell Wilson LAME, and I appreciate that I’ll never have to apologize about that.
In a valiant effort the Chicago Bears Defense TRIED to get Jason the win with their 20 points on his roster - but even these beasts couldn’t take down Neil this week.
On the winning side of this match up Neil was carried to victory by Mike Evans actually showing up. If this is any indication of what two rough weeks can turn out - I’m here for Hopkins scoring almost 40 points next week. I think the craziest think about Mike Evans monster game is that the Giants BEAT the Bucs in the end. Thanks to Daniel Jones. I think I officially don’t understand football.
There is also DeShaun Watson who as I mentioned before is on the radar for BroNation. I feel like Ross gets too sad when the Texans are terrible and I can’t talk as much shit when he’s sad - so I’m here for Watson making the Texans into a competitive team. Also - Watson got himself into a Twitter feud over this outfit last year - and I love it a lot:
The outfit in question (which is a Balenciaga hoodie…)
Yea. JARED.
You had to go and talk trash about WRs … Hopkins isn’t having it.
Lamar Jackson Collaborative (Richie) 130.7 points
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 105.7 points
I still don’t think I’ve fully accepted that Richie might be good this year? Is it because Torrey Smith retired? Was his memory of what he did to your team years ago still holding you down? Whatever it is, I don’t think Richie’s team is slowing down anytime soon.
Keenan Allen who got his shoutout above was Richie’s highest scorer bringing in 30.7 points in the Chargers attempt to beat the Texans. At least Ross got that win this week. Lamar Jackson went up against probably one of his toughest opponents in the Chiefs and while he didn’t come out on top, he still put in a good fight that I think shows they DO have some promise.
Christian McCaffrey who I have always been hesitant to get behind - really exploded today without Cam. Is the Panther’s backup Kyle Allen had a reat game, and had everyone questioning whether he could ever be their main man.
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 102.8 points
Mitches Get Stiches (Diane) 99.9 points
I think the most important thing about this recap is that Sarah is going to have to figure out how to win next week and the week after that…without Saquon Barkley. Probably my favorite text of the weekend was Sarah “waking up from an afternoon nap to Barkley on crutches.” I saw him hopping off the field after the game with those crutches and frankly I feel like he still might be the best option for the Giants.
Look at the trainer trying to keep up…
Despite some really great performanced (I’m looking at you Cooper Kupp and Dalvin Cook) that got Diane scoring more than she usually does … she couldn’t get a win with James White with 0 on her roster. She also was hit with the struggles of the dolphins. Not surprisingly Kenyan Drake was unable to get a decent score with the back and forth between Josh Rosen to Fitzmagic and back to Rosen. It looks like Rosen just also figured out he’s on the Dolphins…
Drop Deebo!!!!!! (Chirag) 92.4 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 68.1 points
Well. Julie had another rough one. She’s now officially dropped Antonio Brown and Cam Newton … so maybe this is her chance to figure out who she is without her first and third picks. You know it might still be an uphill battle when no one on her team score more than 10 points besides Sterling Shepard. Is Eli 2.0 going to be something good for the Giants?? And for Julie?
On the other hand - Chirag just had players scoring high points both on his roster and on his bench. Chirag trusted in Mahomes (or maybe just didn’t trust Sammy Watkins?) and picked up Hardman as a backup wide receiver. I’d get those points in while Tyreek Hill is still sidelined. They showed Hill doing jumping jacks on the sideline so I feel like he’s telling us that he’s coming back soon.
Chirag also benefited from Barkley being hurt and Jones being able to throw the ball with Evan Engram on his bench. I’m trying to figure out why you have TE on your bench in a no TE league … but maybe you know something that we don’t.
Billionaire Club (Craig) 98.6 points
Back that Pass Up (Kelly) 61.2 points
This is another match up where someone is hoarding QBs - and its not even helping them. Kelly has Tom Brady (keep him) and Matt Ryan - both who broke the 20 point ceiling but couldn’t get her a win. Maybe Kelly is feeling like Belicheck’s face looks…
Now, Craig equally had some rough showings (11 of their 18 players didn’t get more than 10 points…) on his roster, but Mark Ingram was there to make sure he could take home a victory. While he took some time to box with the Chiefs logo after scoring a touchdown … he regretfully wasn’t able to beat the Chiefs:
Get. It. Girl.
Ezekiel 23: 19-21 (Sean) 102 points
Field of Bros (Me) 95.9 points
You know what my favorite thing is? Recapping a loss to SEAN. Also - at one point I was projected to get over 120 points … so I’d like to have a few words with some gentlemen in the afternoon games (I’m looking at you Hopkins and Carson). I’ve never had a player have to go change his cleats because he kept slipping on the field when he was given the ball. I’d also like to give the award for playing with my heart strings to Chris Carson this week who again had a beautiful run and then fumbled. I’m not sure we’re going to be ok.
I’m just watching this on loop to remember why I still love him.
I’m also in mourning for LeVeon Bell not being able to do anything against the Patriots. I feel like someone at the Jets has to feel the same as I do when they see his sad face and figure out a way to let him be amazing again?
On my team too there is a BroNation shoutout going to Adam Thielen. Typically in the running for the whitest guy in the NFL - I appreciated both the 2 Touchdowns that he got AND the celebrations.
Now, Sean looked at times like he was going to struggle, and I think we can all say we’re mad that his team pulled it together. AND he had some great performances on his bench (Pollard??). Sean was really carried to victory by Jameis Winston deciding that it was time to play football (hi. its week 3. welcome.) … and throwing for 3 touchdowns and only 1 interception. Let’s see if he can be consistent for Sean in this quarterback battlefield we’re all living in…
I can even picture Sean doing something annoying like this.
And we’re onto next week! Let’s see what mayhem the NFL can stir up for us to struggle with. Also would like to end with a gif that I found that relates to nothing:
Happy rest of your week! Hope you can treat the rest of the days like this.
week 2: the recap
Well. I have to admit that after what was possibly my worst week in Fantasy Football that I’ve ever had … I debated if I didn’t deserve to recap it. Lucky for you, I’m willing to recap my failures.
The Week
I feel like this usually comes later in the season - but this was the week of the devastating injuries.
Big Ben is OUT for the season. They showed a close up of his elbow pulsing after he re-injured it and I still feel sick.
My QB I put my faith in - Drew Brees is out for 4-6 weeks getting surgery on his thumb. I can tell you this did not go well for the Saints in their redemption game against the Rams on Sunday … and I worry what it might do to their super bowl dreams. Does this mean I get to see Kamara non stop? I could be okay with that.
Sam Darnold is out “indefinitely” with mono which has to be the most frustrating reason to not be playing. They did explain to me on Monday Night Football that the reason it could take so long to recover is that his spleen will be enlarged for months after potentially and if he gets hit his spleen could explode!?
So in his place there was Trevor Semien - which for those of you new to the recap should know holds a special place in my heart. Diane knowingly let me go a full week calling him “Semen” without correcting me until I asked out friend who went to Northwestern if he was “excited about semen”. It was not embarrassing at all. Needless to say Semen is now injured too and the Jets are onto their third backup.
I think the story of the hurt quarterback of the season is Gardner Minshew II. A few things:
I didn’t know I needed to cheer for someone like this until I saw this.
In addition to this important outfit - there are the facts that he actually isn’t a Jr. or a 2nd … so very unclear where the II comes from in is name. He also made a point about the fact that he could have been named Beowulf. These are the facts we need.
The Eagles felt like their entire team was injured on Sunday Night. I was ready to hop on the Jackson/Jeffrey duo train … but if they just leave me with Wentz I’m 100% not going to be able to get on board.
Not an injury, but the end of an era … Daniel Jones is officially the New York Giant’s quarterback. I think we all can’t wait to see Eli 2.0 take over for Eli Manning and see if he can manage to not fumble it like he’s already done.
A few happier notes aside from all of the injuries:
The Bears found their kicker! It came down to a complete cluster at the end of the Broncos game, that I still haven’t quite recovered from (Broncos scoring, going for two, penalty, kicking and missing but with a penalty so they can go for two, scoring…then the bears getting the final kick to win?!). Maybe these days are behind us:
Ramsey gave me a fight I didn’t expect - with his coach. He’s now demanding to be traded, which gives us more things to keep an eye out for. I would give anything for this situation to have been mic-ed — how his team members fly up to hold the coach back?! AH.
In case anyone else forgot like I had, Jason Witten is back in the game? I really appreciated how he told me only about defenders when he was a commentator, but his anti-bronation behavior at least gives me something to roll my eyes at. For reference, this is how Witten celebrated vs. Emmanuel Sanders:
The basic point.
The BroNation point.
The Stats
Highest Score: 124.6 points - Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! Well. Well. Well. Chirag went from Biggest Whoops last week to Highest Score. So I feel like I’d also give him “most improved” if that was an award I’d give out. He also got to watch how indecisive I am about trades this week - and he can rest easy knowing that even if I’d given him the trade he wouldn’t needed it.
Lowest Score: 61.5 points - Field of Bros This. Was. A. Rough. Week. I had to stop checking the app to stop watching my guys unable to do anything. I’d like to say though - I am still in the green on ESPN which I don’t understand (are there factuals to back it up?) but Antonio brown told me the data doesn’t lie.
Biggest Whoopsie: Julie. I think you’ve finally caught up to not trusting Cam … so feel like this one makes sense. Leaving Garopollo on the bench with 22+ points and watching Cam’s career fall apart was rough.
The Matchups
JPugh What It Do (Jason) 83.2 points
Field of Bros (Me) 61.5 points
Remember last week when I said that Julie hadn’t scored enough points to count as a game. Well…this was karma. My gut tells me to point out that Jason didn’t have the most impressive week, but I’m way more mature than that. I’ll lose gracefully.
A few key failures on my team?
Well Drew Brees got my -.5 points before he was injured and is now out for 6 weeks after surgery. I wouldn’t have gotten many more points if I’d played Carr instead, so I’m mostly just concerned about what to do with my team moving forward. It was also Aaron Donald that hurt Brees, so getting to see one of my favorite Rams take out my QB was confusing:
His face explains how I feel this week.
DeAndre Hopkins was also taken completely out of the game. You know whats really fun? When you watch all of the pregame trash talk and you note that Hopkins and Ramsey were a bit too nice to each other … and don’t think that it might be a sign that Hopkins wasn’t up for the fight:
Mahomes is really what helped Jason bring home this win - and I feel like he’s not slowing down anytime soon. Just for the league’s knowledge - Chirag wanted to trade this week for Chris Carson and give me Sammy Watkins. I’ll admit I was tempted but my fantasy draft is one of my strongest sources of loyalty and I fear giving up a player only to see him flourish. Don’t worry, I’m unpacking this one.
While Watkins was tempting, it turns out that Mahomes can straight up make every wide receiver look like a WR1 and he used all of his options on Sunday. Hopefully he works on his dance celebrations and he might have a tryout for BroNation…
Billionaire Club (Craig) 76.3 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 69.6 points
Oof. Well at least two weeks in a row we could count on Julie losing in the lowest scoring matchup. The only person Craig could have also beat was me - so that is not saying much. Julie’s highest scoring players all hovered around 12 points with Gurley, Brown and Michel all raking in those impressive numbers.
In a week full of mediocre performances, one of Craig’s decisions wasn’t awful…he got on the AP bandwagon. Adrian Peterson returned to the redskins…not is best performance, but this was also how he prepped:
Julie did get the return of her number one pick Antonio Brown and if things stay the course, i think things are looking good there. Watch him effortlessly jump into the stands after this TD. I just imagine how much of an effort that would be for all of us.
Julie’s claimed source of pain is Andrew Luck retiring, but Cam was her chosen QB and I think this meme sums it up well - maybe then you could have won?
Something we should all be upset about tho? Julie actually made a good pick and snagged Jimmy Garoppolo in the midst of the QB massacre. I’m hesitant to say that he might actually be ready to have a great season…
Back That Pass Up (Kelly) 103.7 points
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 102.5 points
Wow. So this one is brutal. Diane’s team really pulled it together, only to be beaten by Tom Brady. That. Is. Rough. While I’m emotionally confused with Josh Gordon and Antonio Brown being on the Patriots and making me root for them - I can’t root for Tom Brady so I’ll mostly ignore Kelly’s win because of him…
Diane has the key to what I’m hoping is way more Vikings celebrations. They brought us this gem last year and I’m waiting for some of these to return:
One of the best…
I also messed up Diane’s recap last week and reported her having 20 less points than she did (i fixed it) - but it’s hindered me wanting to say anything bad.
Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) 124.6 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 78.1 points
Chirag really got back on the board - and honestly feels like he didn’t change much. Turns out that Odell Beckham Jr. and Julio Jones are just worth keeping around and taking them on their bad weeks. I bet that OBJ could have had another TD if at the 3rd down the refs didn’t SUDDENLY realize that his visor wasn’t clear so they made him switch it IMMEDIATELY. I’m actually shocked we didn’t see a tantrum so I’d like to say that OBJ is maturing. I’ll never forget tho.
Now…Julioooo. Have we dug into how much I love Julio Jones? I think he stole my heart for the first time when I saw an interview where he casually repeated, “who can cover me one on one? i don’t believe anyone can.” But I’d also like to let you know that he is consistently solidifying his place in my heart with behavior like this:
Obsessed.
Not even Sarah’s number one pick Barkley could help her out of this loss. But based on this video - he might be the one who needs help:
Ezekiel 23:19-21 (Sean) 107.5 points
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 106.9 points
ANOTHER close one?! This was the week. I think everyone just forgot to tell my team it was the week to put up a performance. My least favorite part of this is that Sean managed a win in a close battle, but second to that is the shock I have that the Patriots Defense is what kept Ross in this fight. Maybe that’s because the dophins are officially the team to have zero expectations about - let’s look at their past two weeks:
I would leave too. Even Fitzmagic can’t save it.
What I do appreciate is that despite this big scoring game and Ezekiel Elliot being unstoppable, Sean still wasn’t moving in a green direction. Sean had Big Ben on his team, so along with me he will be scrambling for someone this week. Sean has already boasted that he can win without a QB, so I am hoping that he will follow through on that threat. Big Ben can probably sum up how we all feel…
Lamar Jackson Collaborative (Richie) 79.5 points
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 74.7 points
I have to admit I’m pretty sad the Antonio Brown names are gone Richie - but I appreciate the pun for your work. Does Lamar know he’s part of our league now?
Lamar Jackson scored almost half of Richie’s points, so I’m not sure there is too much else to recap. I will say that each of you having the player that you named your team against be your high scorer feels really right.
I’m sure I mentioned this last year - but its a story I can’t get over. Both Nick Chubb (Browns) and Bradley Chubb (Broncos) grew up near each other because it was near CHUBB TOWN. I can’t get over it - also is this a small town where they just train football beasts? And can we go hang out there…
And we’re on to next week. In case anyone wants to join me in my Kaepernick watch, it’s officially starting. We can’t have 5 teams without their starting QB AND the Giants choosing to bench Eli without holding out some hope that BroNation can get their QB back:
I’m here for this.
week 1: the recap
Well, guys. Week 1 has come and gone … and while there were a lot of new faces I saw playing football this week, a lot of this felt familiar. We also survived the only double header for Monday Night Football which feels like a great thing since despite the Broncos being awful last night I couldn’t stop watching. A few familiar things we saw:
The Bears, despite the defense doing their best, managed to still not play offense and lost to the Packers. At home. As the season opener. That’s cool. I’m sure we’ll get better…
Despite the massive amount of hype (promise I loved the OBJ / Landry best friendship) … the Browns game felt all too familiar as they lost to the Titans. Yep - the Titans. There are videos of Browns fans pouring beer on the Titans players, so at least they handled the loss like adults.
The Patriots looked great. I feel like this sums up how the Steelers did:
“Everyone has a false start except the center.”
The Jaguars - starting Nick Foles in all his glory - shortly had to replace him with Gardner Minshew. Who? Yea we don’t know - but I’m here for his mustache and we should get used to him since Foles broke his collarbone.
If anyone was worried…Eli Manning still played. I feel like the Giants are trying to figure out a nice way to break up with him, while they are already dating their next terrible QB in front of him. Thankfully they put in the rookie in the last few minutes of the game so that he could fumble it IMMEDIATELY. That is the kind of thing we needed to see to justify the Giants fans boo-ing their draft pick.
I’m sure it will get better…
I feel like as a follow up to introducing a few of the BroNation roster last week, I need to weigh in on something we definitely did not hear about from the NFL this week: Antonio Brown.
I told Neil on Sunday that I knew AB never wanted to be on the raiders and he did what he needed to do to get to the Patriots. While Neil definitely did not believe me then (I was also deep into the Bloody Mary’s and dangerously close to getting into a bar fight with a group of very short Kansas City fans who had made the bartender switch the KC game to a lower TV because their necks hurt. I just got angry about that situation again typing it out) , I think that this article proves me right:
I also appreciate that this article breaks down all of the events that happened so fast - so we could properly remember the last few weeks:
Two thoughts on all of this:
Frost bite is no joke - so I refuse to think he did that to himself on purpose. I got frostbite on both of my heels in high school, and I still can’t feel them. Imagine the entire bottom of your feet? I hope someone at the cryotherapy place was fired.
Do we feel like maaaayyyybe the helmet grievance is now warranted after seeing Eric Weddle gushing blood from being hit WEARING his helmet? I still don’t understand this - but I also feel like it proves the helmets aren’t perfect.
Still not used to seeing blood in the NFL…
So overall, seems like Antonio Brown got exactly what he wanted. I’ve read several places that he wanted to be on the Patriots and the Steelers attempted to block that so they wouldn’t have to play him. Seems like they both won…well. Actually. AB won, and the Steelers lost really badly on Sunday Night Football.
There. Were. Fights. I feel like maybe social media is to blame for this - giving the players constant outlets to trash talk each other. I like to imagine there are some really passive aggressive things happening like unfollowing each other and not liking posts. But what I’m really here for is how worked up everyone was in week 1. My favorites?
We all know I LOVE a good punch to the helmet (why.) and Myles Jack on the Jaguars gave me just that. He also later absolutely fell apart when he was escorted off of the field, and it actually took two rather large men working together to get him to the locker room. I’ve been trying to brainstorm what I might ever get worked up about enough to have to be dragged away like this…
The drama!
My man DeAndre Hopkins really showed me his true colors last night - and I was not mad at it. I was convinced he was going to get into a fight with Lattimore during Monday Night Football, but he surprised us all by body slamming Williams, and frankly not even looking upset about it. You do you, DeAndre.
In his welcome home to the Eagles game DeSean Jackson reminded us all why we love him and threw a few punches. What he didn’t do? Punch a helmet … my guy knows to go for the chin if he’s going to really upset the other team.
The Celebrations. This is my official request that the players step up their celebration game. I saw one decent one from the Browns … but I don’t think you get highlighted in the celebration reel when you lose to the Titans. I’m hoping for some dancing videos next week.
My Rulebreakers. This week I think my favorite BroNation rule break was Odell Beckham Jr. wearing a $350,000 watch DURING the game. 1. You’re not allowed to wear “hard objects”, 2. Why is this watch so expensive, and 3. Why is that watch so expensive.
I have a few things he can throw $350,000 at if he wants to…
The Stats
Highest Score: 150.6 points | Antonio Browns Big Adventure (Richie). I’d like to also give my team a shoutout for being one point away from taking this away from Richie. I suppose this is the first time he’s ever managed a good score, so we’ll give it to him.
Lowest Score: 55 points | Just My Luck (Julie). Julie was plagued this week by owning Antonio Brown, and also by drafting Cam Newtown and AJ Green. She also did draft Luck prior to his retirement…but we all know she was going to play Cam anyway.
Biggest Whoopsie: Chirag. And I’ll let you just read his recap to see what he did.
The Match Ups
Antonio Brown’s Big Adventure (Richie) 150.6 points
Ezekiel 23:19:21 (Sean) 87.6 points
GUYS. Is this Richie’s first win? Is the curse of Torrey Smith finally lifted? I feel like Richie has been waiting 3 years for this win. Richie’s Highest scorer this week was Lamar Jackson, and I have to admit that I’m here for the Ravens absolutely killing it. In the post game interviews he commented “Not bad for a running back, huh?”…
Get. It. Lamar.
Also having a week for Richie was DeSean Jackson. I am LOVING the Jackson/Jeffery combo that the Eagles have going on, Jeffery being one of the OG BroNation members from his days on the Bears. Jackson has his own style and dance moves - but he solidified his spot on the roster when he gave Fitpatrick his clothes for the most epic post game interviews last year:
Please note Jackson, shirtless, at the door.
I’m not sure there is much good to say about Sean’s team. He boasted a lot in the group chat earlier this week when Zeke signed his deal … and yet, your namesake. I feel like this picture really sums up what we thought you might do vs. what your team brought to the table…
You know who DID have a day? Derrick Henry. I feel like none of us were convinced by his last few games last season, but turns out he might be legit. Or he was playing the Browns. What I couldn’t get over? His racoon tail hair?
I’m pretty sure this is what he’s going for … right?
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 112.4 points
Back That Pass Up (Kelly) 108.6 points
Well, both Sarah and Kelly are new to the league - so its too soon to tell what mistake they made are ones they will continue to repeat vs. what was a total fluke. Kelly didn’t put up much of a fight, but her highest scoring player was Tom Brady which I feel like upsets her as much as it upsets me. Has anyone else noticed that Tom Brady is loose on instagram and acting like everyone’s dad? When did he become so comfortable with emojis? Is he making jokes or is he being serious?
“I will be better next week” after his stellar game is enough for an eye roll … then have three hearts? Cmon Tom.
Despite whatever embarrassing social media posts Brady does - I would like to understand how he is so drastically better looking now than he was almost 20 years ago? Does the T12 Method work?!?
Sarah was carried to victory by Carson Wentz surprisingly. I watched what felt like a full 30 minute special on how this is Wentz’s year and that he feels like he has something to prove. Did you know they installed a Nick Foles statue at the stadium to remind him that he didn’t play in the Super Bowl?
That would get me worked up too. Nothing like a permanent reminder you didn’t play in that game.
Billionaire Club (Craig) 101.3 points
Deebo!!! (Chirag) 96 points
So first, I’d like to remind everyone that Craig’s team name is a hold over from him being upset about LeVeon Bell advocating for himself and Craig choosing to stand on the side of the owners and not the players. That’s super cool, Craig.
I’m gonna bury the lead here and start with that this matchup actually came down to the kickers. First of all, props to you two for making that position relevant. Second - Will Lutz missed an earlier kick that not only lost Chirag the game, but made a 57 yarder to win the game and make Chirag' think he had a shot. Lutz said he had to make it because after he missed the first one no one would talk to him, so Chirag you aren’t the only one mad at him.
So you know what was the best part of this match up? Chirag had 72.2 points on his bench (64.5 points from 2 people). Yep. You read that right. He had enough points on his bench to beat Julie ‘s teams actual score - and a few points away from taking down Diane’s team too.
Mahomes proved that you shouldn’t bench anyone that he might throw 60 yard TD passes to, so I’m curious to see if Sammy Watkins (37.8 pts) actually pans out to be a reliable source of points for Chirag or not. What i AM upset about is that I debated picking up Hollywood Brown (26.7 pts) and I should have followed my heart. He got an honorary consideration for BroNation (let’s be honest, Baby Bro Nation) because of his cousin AB. His bling at the draft and his solid gold grill should have been enough for us to know he would be a star.
You know. I didn’t realize I maybe wanted a bedazzled version of myself to wear until right now.
Craig does have some potential BroNation sitting on his bench in DK Metcalf. I was consistently told he wouldn’t be great, that he’s just a bunch of muscle. And I hope he’s here to prove you all wrong. In case anyone isn’t familiar with him - this was a casual locker room shot that they showed 1,000 times during the draft:
What I do need help understanding before he becomes part of BroNation is the pacifier mouthpiece? And he posted on instagram that he’s going baby on (baby emoji)?
He can do whatever he wants … just curious…
JPugh What It Do (Jason) 105.4 points
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 87.3 points
Houston did indeed, have a problem. I think Monday night’s game against the Saints might have been the best game of the week - but I’m not convinced that Ross will ever recover. They went into half up 14-3 ,then the score changed leaders two different times in the last minute. On a positive note? All of the Texan running backs looked amazing so I’m curious who will scoop them up next week.
In a similar sad boat to Ross, Jason as a Broncos fan can’t be happy about what happened in the second Monday Night game (also, can that never happen again? it’s so late.)…Denver looked worse than I could expect. And they were playing the Raiders.
Jason likely will be carried throughout this season by Patrick Mahomes and Alvin Kamara, and I’m not even mad at it. Kamara might be one of my favorite running backs to watch - I appreciate him bulldozing through all of the defenders and the grillz get me everytime. Probably most importantly he has also been in GQ which puts him in good company with Hopkins. We can feature his beastly workouts in another week of tales from BroNation - for now … just his modeling:
Jason also benefits from being the person who was right about the main target on the Raiders when AB would leave, picking up Tyrell Williams and see him get targeted over and over in Monday Night Football. So in addition to the Raiders’ fans chanting “Fuck AB” at the beginning of the game…they have this guy to cheer for with Jason.
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 72.8 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 55 points
So, this was the worst game…ever? I feel like if you both are so awful … no one should get to win. I don’t know if we could have possibly predicted that Julie’s team would have a few hiccups when she drafted Cam Newton in the 3rd round. Yes…in the 3rd round. Just wanted to make sure none of us were grabbing the 5th best ranked QB rounds before anyone even took Mahomes.
Now, Cam Newton is a highly debated contender for BroNation. While his height, confidence, occasional style choices, and dance moves get him top notch scores … then he wears this to the post game interviews:
You know what I do like about it? The twitter reactions:
And my favorite…
Do you think the empathy is about not making sexist comments to reporters? I hope so.
So I hope that Diane’s confidence in her Browns is going to pay off eventually more than it did this week. In the NFL Countdown on Sunday I saw a special about how before big events Baker Mayfield will text his family/friends about how he “woke up feeling dangerous” and more than anything I wanted to use that in a positive way in this recap. Maybe next week?
Julie’s team can also be one to keep as she has the much anticipated return of Antonio Brown. Now, they told me during Monday Night Football that the Raiders claim that he was a “vampire of energy” and took away their celebration of Monday Night Football. Please tell me again how this man is a vampire of energy:
Field of Bros (me) 149.5 points
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 107.8 points
I think my favorite part of this match up was that Neil actually had a really great week, but everytime Watson had a great throw … it went to Hopkins and I got points too. Neil also boasted before the SECOND Monday Night Football game that he outscored 75% of the league … and I’d just like to give props to all the players who gave the rest of you points so that fact was no longer accurate.
My top scorer comes to me with some sadness. Austin Ekeler looked amazing, and I feel like this is the James Conner proving the Steelers don’t need LeVeon Bell all over again. I would like to note that since the holdout, Melvin Gordon has been posting WAY less triptychs to instagram, and I feel like that means he isn’t okay. His alignment is even off - maybe I’ll shoot him a note.
If we want to highlight someone who really benefitted from Andrew Luck’s retirement it might be Marlon Mack. While they figure out if they can throw the ball at all … seems like he’s good to just run the entire game. Without him and Watson I’m not convinced Neil wouldn’t have been in the same boat as Diane and Julie this week.
Most importantly this week guys - we celebrated the return of LeVeon Bell. Despite the fact that the Jets couldn’t even win against the Bills … my favorite plays were these two where he got the TD and the two point conversion. He can just play by himself, right? I’m expecting celebrations next week:
And that is ALL for this week … til next week!
And a little look at what this week’s performance did to our standings…Richie, Jason and I are trending, so watch out!
I’m here for these graphics, ESPN.
BroNation: an intro.
Get to know what this recap blog is all about.
yo soy fiesta.
-rob gronkowski / all you really need to know about BroNation
Well guys – its the best time of the year again. All of the fantasy football drafts are done, and we’re prepping to kick off the season on Thursday.
Now – for those of you who are NOT in the league “A Road to Bro Nation” – I feel like a few updates are in order.
This is a recap for a real fantasy league. We’re working with 3 newbies in the league this year, so bear with me as I figure out what upsets them the most in their recaps. We’re 8 ex-Gensler, 3 current Gensler, and an honorary architect. Promise you’ll get to know them better throughout the season.
We lost 3 Packer fans in the off season – so I feel like my plan to continually tell them they are making bad life choices is working.
The real reason this became a blog is so that I can embed gifs more easily. That’s all the really matters, right?
Some of our league members (Richie and Neil I’m looking at you) think its fun to change their team name constantly. You’ll get annoyed with it too.
Now. What is BroNation? There is some structure to it, but at the end of the day its just about the players I like the most. I’ll accept nominations to BroNation – we can keep them on the bench as they earn their spot. What do we judge the most?
Attitude. Some say arrogance? I just like to know they know how good they are.
Dance skills. If you’re tackling or scoring touchdowns and NOT dancing? Lose my number.
Style. I’ll take this in anyway. I love a good locker room walk-in outfit. If you’re DeAndre Hopkins I accept full model shoots. However they want to stand out.
Social Media. At the end of the day I just need to see stories where they are working out. How else would I know how hardworking they are? It’s also where some of my best content comes from.
Actual skill. Likely the least important, but we can’t have anyone dragging the team down.
Height. I’m putting this last because I’d like to pretend I’m not cutting anyone shorter than 6′. We have “baby bro nation” for that reason. This also results in me loving most Tight Ends just solely based on their stature.
Endorsements. I like someone who knows their career could end any minute and really leans into the right endorsements or partnerships. DK Metcalf being sponsored by Nesquik? Reason enough to love him.
We can add to this as the season progresses and I have to reject nominations.
So who is in BroNation you ask? Figured we could do some breakdowns each week – every other week I’ll feature someone who did something in a real game. But for now, let’s just highlight who takes up the most real estate in my heart:
Von Miller | I’ve screamed at such a high pitch that Von Miller 100% thought it was a small child, but DID turn around and sign a lovely poster Diane had made. More importantly he checks every box in the criteria, including being a chicken farmer which I didn’t know was on the check list until he was that.
Antonio Brown | I had a moment when AB started a twitter feud with JuJu this summer where I worried I’d stop loving him…but I just watched the episode of Hard Knocks where he both talks about how “men lie. women lie, but the analytics don’t.” and refers to the FACTUALS (a.k.a. what I’m calling facts from now on), only to later be so obsessed with his berry/watermelon gatorade combo that he calls it the drip-drop. Plus, no one twerks like AB (not even Emmanuel Sanders)…
Trust me, Sanders is still on the BroNation roster. If you start a hashtag #neverugly with a series of selfies I’ll always be devoted.
Travis Kelce | With Gronk retiring – I needed at least one tall white guy who wants to dance all the time. Plus – it was his dating show where I came to the conclusion that I would be a GREAT NFL wife and then I found out what my friends really thought of me. Turns out they do NOT think I would be a good NFL wife, and frankly after the feedback about my focus and behavior I’m not convinced they think I’ll be a good wife period.
I researched “hit the quan” for way too long after seeing this … and I still have no idea what it means.
DeAndre Hopkins | Between runway shows and GQ photo shoots there is a high probably that Hopkins is too classy for Bro-Nation. Beneath his perfect, polished exterior tho, I know there is a lot of trash talking and ego – plus I plan to cheer until he dances.
JuJu Smith-Schuster | This is the big year where we see how JuJu does without AB and Bell … I have high hopes for his celebrations. Between being obsessed with video games, having an instagram famous dog named Boujee, and dancing every chance he gets - JuJu is a BroNation favorite.
LeVeon Bell | I feel like we all know why LeVeon is on the roster. His rap career. Plus – this article about him being robbed by two girlfriends and replacing his $500,000 of jewelry really made my week.
Have I mentioned how much I love group celebrations?
So now that you’ve had a taste of the recaps – a few things to expect this year:
Rankings of the best celebrations. Its really all I give shoutouts for. And fights – especially if they are with fans or punching someone’s helmet (looking at you, AJ Green).
Other BroNation spotlights – you’ll get to know the whole roster.
A breakdown of who is the worst. Just because Andrew Luck retired doesn’t mean there aren’t some other good boys out there to dislike (russell wilson?).
My favorite besties. We all know Landry and OBJ deserve a spotlight, but who else loves each other?
And to end our intro to BroNation – please take a moment to mourn Gronk’s departure. I’ll probably still sneak him into the recap every chance I get.
Til next week!