week 8: the recap
Guys. We’ve essentially made it halfway through the season. I’m not going to repeat that again because I’m in complete denial. We also made it through the trade deadline so I hope that I can recover from all of the whiplash. If everyone doesn’t know I love a good unfounded theory so I was a real sucker for the hypothetical trades too - there were some rough ones.
Now, where are we halfway through the season? The Patriots are being what we expected, but they’ve also had an absurdly easy schedule - so are we really that excited about it? I got duped into a TERRIBLE lecture a couple weeks ago at a conference in LA that promised to explain how the analytics and program developed to schedule games in the NFL could give me insights into how data and analytics are going to change how we work. Needless to say I did not learn anything about that - and all they needed to tell me was that the more money the teams have the easier their season. Which, in the end might also be all I need to know about work life as well.
BroNation Power Rankings
Aqib Talib | Well. I am not pleased to put him on this list for this reason, but when an OG BroNation member get put in a rough spot, he gets a shoutout. Talib was traded to the Dolphins to free up cap space for Ramsey, and since he’s on IR the rest of the season I’m worried we’ve seen the last of him. Let’s reflect on a few of my favorite moments:
How can we not start with the chain yank? I didn’t know until this moment that whether it resulted in someone’s chain being yanked off was a qualifier i needed for whether the fight was intense or not.
I don’t think I’d ever look at Von Miller in a fight and feel like he needed help. But Talib’s eye poke was one that not only ended that fight, but made me know I wanted him in my corner.
Have we probably not talked enough about how being a beast is critical to BroNation status? Look at this.
Mayyyybe a bit of a temper, but to a fault I do like it when someone is passionate. So I just like to see these as passion fits.
So, whether this is goodbye for Talib or if he’ll grace Miami with his attitude and presence, either way we know he will continue to live it up. As the first player that I too excitedly shouted that I love him (don’t worry, he laughed at me) - he’ll continue to set the standard for the rest of BroNation.
2. DK Metcalf | I just wanted to make sure that halfway through the season we revisited the player that I was mocked for being a supporter of. We all know it has been emotionally trying for me to be pro-DK when Russell Wilson is the one throwing the ball to him. I will admit that while I’m pleased he’s showing skills to add to his BroNation rating - the pacifier mouth-guards still confuse me? They change color each week so there is a lot of thought behind it. I’m going to keep focusing on his flex and wait for more dance celebrations.
Yes, we are looking.
3. Cam Jordan | I know I’ve mentioned this before, but Cam Jordan’s consistent ridiculous videos he posts pre-games each week are never not entertaining. While I’ve gotten really bold in assuming most people will respond to Instagram messages I send them — I’ve really be debating giving a shoutout and seeing if he needs a creative director to help him out. I’ll pick up another side hustle for him.
4. George Kittle | I think the most confusing thing about the last few weeks has been whether or not I’m becoming a 49ers fan. I have been reluctant to admit that Kittle might be a BroNation contender, something felt off. After seeing this video of him hyping up Bosa he might have won a place. If you are not familiar, being a hype man is an all time goal of mine. Who doesn’t want to be the guy on the speaker on the side of the stage waving the towel? No one. Everyone wants to be that guy.
5. DeAndre Hopkins | This is really not about anything to do with typical BroNation behavior - but he put a LOT of effort into this so I’ll give him a shoutout. For those of you who don’t know Hopkins that well … there are two things he really loves - fashion and halloween. So it is no surprise he went all in this year for Halloween - how does he look JUST like Will Smith??
Outside of that being impressive though, I also just have a few questions. Last year Hopkins also painted himself completely blue?? If he’s a smurf next year we might need to intervene.
The Stats
Highest Score | Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil), 147.2 points, Neil really put these points to good use and beat the person who had - the least points this week.
Lowest Score | Just My Luck (Julie), 44.3 points, Well - we all knew it was only a matter of time until Julie reclaimed this title.
Biggest Whoops | Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) Chirag put up a great score of 100 points besides that he forgot to pay attention to the continuous news stream that Brees was coming back to work. I’m not even sure why Bridgewater’s final score is -.2 - is that just to taunt Chirag?
The Matchups
Billionaire Club (Craig) 97.1 points
Field of Bros (me) 86.3 points
Well. I’m actually glad that I lost by more than 7 because I was beating myself up about switching out my kicker at 11:57am before kick off. I just looked at my lineup and had THREE Broncos, so felt like I needed to pull it together. You know what that doesn’t mean? Starting a Bills player.
As Craig correctly pointed out mid-match this was really battle of the mediocre weeks. Neither of us had anyone who did much of anything besides that BroNation player JuJu played a central role to me losing this match.
Another fun fact if you weren’t following my team SUPER closely - I started Brees and immediately felt like I had let down Minshew, and I’m just trying out being loyal. I regretted my choice during the first half of watching Brees give me a lot of nothing, but all THREE quarterbacks I’m currently keeping on my team all scored within 1 point of each other. So that means Brees, Minshew and Stafford are all the same, right?
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 101.4 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 77.7 points
Well. Richie is STILL undefeated. And none of us can do anything about it?! Richie is being lead this week by two people that I’ve considered for the title of whitest man in the NLF - Goff and McCaffrey. You know whats even more irritating? He has the 49ers Defense sitting on his bench. Who benches Sherman?? Not me - pass them over please.
Now, Sarah’s main man Saquon did his best to both give her a win and to get the Giants a win as well. Sarah gives herself a double whammy with Murray and Fitzgerald on her team. So when we watched the Cardinals be unable to pull it together, it meant both her flex and her qb were bringing her down.
Back that Pass Up (Kelly) 103.8 points
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 89.9 points
I really like it when people’s hometown guys are the one’s helping them get the win. Kelly was taken to victory on the shoulders of Golladay who managed 2 TDs against the Giants (is that really worth celebrating?
Now, I think we can all probably say we knew that Jason would hurt for the few weeks that Mahomes is out, although Mason Rudolph really did manage a great game for Jason. A game against the Dolphins tho … should probably result in more than 2 TDs. Didn’t Brady score like 51 points the week he played the Dolphins? Jason I’ve heard Mahomes’ injury is healing fast, so hopefully this gets you off track enough to fall in the standings.
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 118.9 points
Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) 100.3 points
So remember when I said I was maybe a 49ers fan? I feel like Ross might be considering the same thing after Coleman got him FOUR TOUCHDOWNS for an amazing 35.8 points. I am personally here for their undefeated season.
Now - I feel like we already covered that Chirag made a big whoopsie by playing Bridgewater. He also has been victim to the inconsistency of this season - how does Marvin Jones go from 33.3 points last week on Chirag’s bench to getting played this week and pulling in 2.2 points. That’s what fantasy owners like to see.
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 113.2 points
Ezekiel 23:19-21 (Sean) 84.7 points
I know Diane is pumped that her boy Cooper Kupp got his day to shine this week. Ever since Diane went to the combine when Kupp was there, she’s been a huge fan. I think he falls into my whitest man in the NFL category … so BroNation might never be in his future, but taking over while his teammates are injured might be more of this guy on our radars
Sean did get a taste of the frustrations of fantasy with Edelman providing him the most points this week after he failed the Michel match up - regretfully not enough to get Sean the win. Is Diane making a comeback? Maybe Michael Thomas was really holding her back (he was not - i take it back).
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 147.2 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 44.3 points
Well, this is both the best score and the worst score - and therefore is not much of a match to recap. Neil has been waiting all season for his high scoring game to not be against another insanely high scoring team. How does it feel, Neil?
The biggest shoutout needed in this game is for DeShaun Watson who not only put up a ton of points in Neil’s mayhem week of points, but that wasn’t the best thing he did. He managed to get pressure, kicked in the face, and then STILL make a touchdown? It’s everything I need in football.
So we are onto Week 9! I’m going to pretend that things are not going this quickly.
So to leave you with my favorite search discovery of the week. Remember when I said i wanted to join Cam Jordan’s creative hype team? Well add another job to my wishlist - can I be this dude whose only job is to try and knock JuJu off balance?