Week 1 . 2021
Guys. We made it. I know 2020 was a break in the recaps and the blog, but in all honesty every week I assumed the NFL would get shut down. Looking back I should have definitely known better. I promise to do better this year.
First and foremost tho, I’d like to apologize that I’m real rusty at this. I also think I slimmed down who I followed on instragram so even BroNation’s radar got a bit smaller. For anyone new to the league or the blog - make yourself familiar with the term BroNation. Honestly means nothing more than my favorite group of players - but in the past I’ve laid out what we’re looking for … in case you have any suggestions for the roster:
Attitude. Some say arrogance? I just like to know they know how good they are.
Dance skills. If you’re tackling or scoring touchdowns and NOT dancing? Lose my number.
Style. I’ll take this in anyway. I love a good locker room walk-in outfit. If you’re DeAndre Hopkins I accept full model shoots. However they want to stand out.
Social Media. At the end of the day I just need to see stories where they are working out. How else would I know how hardworking they are? It’s also where some of my best content comes from.
Actual skill. Likely the least important, but we can’t have anyone dragging the team down.
Height. I’m putting this last because I’d like to pretend I’m not cutting anyone shorter than 6′. We have “baby bro nation” for that reason. This also results in me loving most Tight Ends just solely based on their stature.
Endorsements. I like someone who knows their career could end any minute and really leans into the right endorsements or partnerships. DK Metcalf being sponsored by Nesquik? Reason enough to love him.
The Week
This week shot us right back into the usual chaos of NFL emotions - Tom Brady is hurting everyone’s feelings with a last minute win, the Falcons managed to be so bad the Eagles looked good, the Browns came out hot and completely fell apart by the end of the game, the Bears were disappointing as always, and Aaron Rodgers might be throwing football games to prove how badly he doesn’t want to live in Wisconsin.
Can’t just harp on the Bears being sad - Matthew Stafford went out and found some swagger in LA. I forgot how good the rams offense can be, and watching Stafford throw bombs felt like something worth watching:
One of my biggest questions of the weekend is what happened to Sir Purr - and WHY the Panthers decided this was the right way to open the game?
If anyone forgot - this is the Sir Purr I am used to:
And, before we get into the meat of the recap - just a small shout out to the big man group celebrations.
BroNation Power Rankings
This section might just get a dedicated slot for DK Metcalf, but in the meantime we will keep up a Top 5.
DK Metcalf
As if I didn’t love him enough, he goes and wears an outfit as a shoutout to Michael Jordan? That is one way to start the season strong in my book.
At this point his actions feel like a personal attack on my heart.
Since the first week technically embodies all of the off season, I’d like to also give this t-shirt of Metcalf’s a shout out. Imagine not looking like him and thinking you could wear this shirt in public?
2. Von Miller
It feels really good to have Von back in the BroNation power rankings. I could essentially watch his sack celebrations on a loop for the entire day, and I’m just happy to know he’s bringing new material to the table in 2021:
3. DeAndre Hopkins
You know what a good way to get my attention on a Sunday morning is? Release a hype video an hour before kick off. Hopkins is a seasoned BroNation member so he knew how to get my day started. I’m on the fence about the decision to workout in a bucket hat, but if anyone is going to convince me its cool it will be Hopkins.
Hopkins started this season the way he left it off - with insane catch after catch. One of my favorite things is when other players hype each other up. You know Hopkins is a beast when AJ Brown and Julio Jones can’t get over him:
4. Darren Waller
I have to commend Derek Carr for trying so hard to have Waller have an even better game than he did, but my estimate is that every fourth ball actually made it close enough that Waller could grab it. Waller is top BroNation after Hard Knocks showed him working out on his stationary bike talking about all of the difficult things he’s overcome. Want me to listen to your feelings? Show me your workout regimen while you talk through it. He nailed it. That being said this meme sums up why he’s in my top five this week:
5. Antonio Brown
AB is still in probation from his looney tunes behavior, but when he plays like he did on Thursday I forget he launched his No White Women 2020 campaign and think about bringing him back. It definitely helps his case that I’m imagining him being best friends with Gronk as they caught every pass and mutiple touchdowns Thursday night - really bringing back OG BroNation vibes in 2021.
Bros in the Pre Game
Jalen Hurts
I am a sucker for an underdog story so his college career story really did it for me initially, plus then last year I got to root against Carson Wentz which just always feels right. He’s putting in some effort to be the first quarterback actually to make BroNation status - and I feel like his walk in swag might be what gets him an invite.
Jameis Winston
Overlooking the last few years - Winston was on BroNation’s radar when he was a rookie. Maybe sometimes you just have to throw interceptions 50% of the time to find your groove. Needless to say I’d like every post game interview to be like this one:
Getting Bro Looks
The Denver Broncos
This one is less of a look, and more of a nostalgic glance. I dove deep on the Broncos a while ago for a good 4-5 years. Mostly until they traded everyone I loved away besides Von Miller. They not only looked good at moments, but they pulled off a swaggy group celebrations which means I’m watching…
The Recaps
Before we get into any of the recaps - I need to first apologize to the rest of the league that I accidentally included another Packers fan. It’s been my duty as commissioner to remove the bajillion Packers fans I let into the league, and I slipped up and let another in. Thankfully we’ve gotten our numbers down to 3, but who knows how difficult Erik will be.
We also have until next week to update our team names or I’ll let Sean name everyone’s team and no one will like that.
Tompa Bay of pig skins 176.66
Sarah Sarah 119.1
I’m starting with this one because I still can’t believe that Julie managed to figure out fantasy football. I think anyone who had Amari Cooper on their team probably would have fared pretty well, but pretty much every player showed up for her. Julie having Waller and Claypool on her team is a cry for BroNation to be let free. Let him go, Julie:
Sarah had a fighting chance if she’d played Gronk or Corey Davis with their combined 55.7 points. Can’t blame her for not trusting the Jets, I for one feel like we definitely shouldn’t trust this guy.
Fresh Prince of Helaire 105.54
Sean Sean 104.8
PHEW. This one is brutal. For one - I feel like Sean always needs to be knocked down a few notches. But on the other hand, Ross is the reason we can’t like or emphasize our group texts - so how do you cheer for that guy? Tyler Lockett got Ross the bulk of his points, but who cheers for the player who takes away TDs from DK? Not this girl.
Hollywood Brown is going to be too good for Ross - aside from being Antonio Brown’s cousin he’s bringing his own flare to the game. If anyone didn’t notice their signature catchphrase of “Call God” on his eyeblack, that really did it for me. Also can’t not love breaking ankles:
Dak Dynasty 161.32
What it Do … jPugh 114.32
Looking at Erik’s team after week one is rough - I feel like there are not many weaknesses to even comment on. Hoping I just need a week or two to find his weaknesses.
A draft pick that I admittedly did give Jason a hard time for really paid off - Melvin Gordon chopped his locks and tracked the fastest run of the week. He got OVER 21 MPH on this run … I’m still processing that.
Neil Dealz 142.38
Chirag Chirag 86.86
After we all found out that Neil has been paying $70/yr for fantasy advice and didn’t even take advantage of his access to Disney+, I feel like Neil deserved this win. Let’s hope he’s also at home watching all the Marvel movies he can handle. In addition to his obvious high scorer in Mahomes, Neil scooped up D’Andre Swift. Swift should expect to get Neil a lot more points as the Lions settle in with Jarod Goff who has already settled into the Detroit way and was falling apart.
Baby Hands 98.52
Diane Diane 87.56
Richie was really lucky he played Diane and no one else in the league. Ignoring that Richie had an absurd amount of points on his bench, he doesn’t get credit for them. What really let Richie down here was his attachement to the Green Bay Packers. Although I don’t disagree that Rodgers should have been a good pick, the memes created about his current look have been making my entire week.
Sean Lost Last Year 124.86
Sheilah Sheilah 119.88
Going into Monday Night Football with all of your hopes resting on one player never works out well, and thats definitely what settled my loss to Craig. With Jalen Hurts as one of his top scorers, we know that I am not going to give him a hard time. He also saw 25.7 points from TJ Hockensen which brings another Tight End into the picture, but also proves that Jared Goff just needs really big targets in order to hit them.
Admittedly I think it was my heart drafting Julio Jones that messed me up a bit, so I’ll be focusing my love on CeeDee Lamb and Hopkins for my BroNation WRs. CeeDee Lamb really secured his spot in my heart after seeing more of him on Hard Knocks, but let’s be honest it was this move during draft night that got him a spot in my heart:
Girl, that’s not your phone.
With that - we’ve made it through Week 1. Let’s hope we get more walk in fashion, dance celebrations, and maybe a fight or two to get us going in Week 2. Let’s get hyped.