week 5: the recap
So. If we wanted to know what too many things on my plate looks like - last week was it. I didn’t even realize until Friday when I got a few notes about failing the recap that a whole week had even gone by. I promise to be better.
All that you really need to know about last week is that I spent all of Sunday at Soldier Field becoming a Bears player (that is what happens when you’re in the front row behind the bench, right?), and then never emotionally recovered enough to pull together a recap.
This week? Well we are continuing to have unexpected upsets (Mahomes failed at something? I don’t accept it), the dolphins got a break from losing with a bye week, and the Redskins gave us our first fired head coach of the season.
BroNation Top 10
Not going to lie. This week’s power rankings felt difficult - are the bros not being bro enough? I’ll put in some requests.
JuJu Smith-Schuster | They decided to mic up JuJu last week, and it was pretty much everything I wanted it to me. Now, JuJu is down to their third string QB after Rudolph got a rough concussion from Earl Thomas (who is pretty high on my list of don’t mess people). I am feeling a bit desperate for one of JuJu’s celebrations, so let’s hope as they get to their fourth backup he can still get a few touchdowns. Also - if you want to know one of my favorite mic-ed up moments … its this:
2. Michael Thomas | I feel like Michael Thomas could make this list on his swagger and confidence alone … but I still needed to wait until he had an insane day to give him the honor of being on the list. Anyone who has a unique instagram handle (I’m looking at you Pharoah Cooper a.k.a. @kingtutt_chdown) but an almost cocky handle like @cantguardmike really gets me. I just got a LOT of flexing muscles from him on Sunday - but I’m waiting for him to risk it all again soon and repeat something like this:
3. Alvin Kamara | First, I feel like you can’t go from top of my list to not on the list at all in two weeks (although, who am i kidding. yes you can.) Second, Kamara has enough bro nation clout to just coast the rest of the season. I did a deep dive recently into Kamara and did anyone else know that he was high school best friends with Migos? I feel like we are all at a disservice for not attending school with them. Kamara is also represented by a music manager, which is all the inspiration I need to feel like I can manage NFL players too. Let’s hope that Kamara can get his dancing groove back soon though even without Ingram to join him.
It was the best of the best.
4. Travis Kelce | Given that I missed last week, I’m going to give a belated shoutout to my favorite play I’ve seen this season. Turns out that unplanned hook and ladder is my favorite move? I learned something last week.
Kelce also did have a couple temper tantrums this week (he lost to the Colts, so I would have been mad too) - and while I’m not here for shoving your coach on the sideline (look at you Jalen Ramsey) but BroNation can be humble and I appreciated returning to give hugs when he cooled off.
5. Leighton Vander Esch | Leighton is mostly on this list to prove that BroNation status doesn’t mean I needed to know anything about you prior to this week. You know what’s great about Sunday mornings? Getting little bio documentaries … and Leighton’s “Wolf Hunter” biopic was about his teeny tiny town of like 400 people in Riggins, Iowa. His signature “wolf cry” which is now played over the speakers when he gets a tackle comes from his dad’s bear and wolf hunting business. Besides knowing that he has a solid career to fall back on, we all know how much I love a signature celebration.
6. Stefon Diggs | Now. Stefon Diggs is usually reserved for Baby BroNation (as the captain mind you.) but I don’t have time for power rankings there too, so all the 5-10” fellas in the NFL are welcome to jump up into my radar if they think they can hang. As a big fan of speaking your mind, I was here for Diggs and Adam Theilen complaining about the gameplan the vikings had that resulted in them having no production in the game against the Bears last week. Diggs complained so much that Theilen had the game of his season … and Diggs had this amazing walkout outfit:
Who needs to catch passes when you ARE a catch?
Shortly after the game Diggs solidified his place in my heart posting one of my favorite self-motivation quotes to instagram. BroNation was there to make him feel better with some love from OBJ, Jalen Ramsey, and Darius Slay. We’re all with you Diggsy.
7. Gardner Minshew II | I don’t want anyone to get ahead of themselves and feel that BroNation has identified its quarterback … but I’m here for what Minshew is bringing to the table. Regretfully he was unable to beat McCaffery , but he had quite the highlight reel. Plus - I feel like he’d be top of the list to invite to a party?
8. Justin Houston | Keeping in theme with my outspoken support this week - I was here for Houston’s payback game against the Chiefs. Now - I did NOT like seeing Mahomes fail, but this quote should speak to everyone:
“It’s like your old girlfriend,” Houston said. “If you get a new girlfriend, you want to show her off. To come here and get a win, it means a lot to me — and to the team as well.”
There is a chance I appreciate this more because I watched all the breakdowns of “The Return of The Mack” and i was promised a good revenge game for Mack against the Raiders. Well - when it was 0-17 at halftime it was clear Mack’s new girlfriend was failing him.
That is the look of someone who didn’t make the power rankings this week.
9. Richard Sherman | Yes, he can be a lot. Yes, his comments teeter on arrogant. Yes, I love the trash talk. What’s better than post game trash talk? In game - hyped up - mic-ed up - Sherman. I might play this video every morning as my daily affirmation:
10. Gronk | He. Is. Back. I can’t wait for him to get to top the list because of some insane comment he makes during Thursday Night Football, but for now he’s just getting his power ranking spot shoutout. He makes his analyst debut this Thursday - and I almost can’t wait for him to take it way too seriously. Witten set a low bar before heading back out on to the field … is that Gronks next fate? In the meantime I’m submitting my formal request that the shirt ripping is somehow a part of his analyst role.
I rest my case.
Pre-Gaming Bro Nation
Melvin Gordon | He’s only pregaming because I can’t just accept him back the first week he plays. BroNation isn’t that easy to get. He did make some plays for my heart by really leaning into the stand off that he ultimately caved for - making a series of spoof videos that I’m here for. I feel like maybe he just needed those weeks off to establish some new content for his endorsements…
Christian McCaffery | Christian is only here because I keep being told he should be - and anyone who can make Richie’s team into a winning team is worth some attention. Working with his backup quarterback (but lets be honest, who isn’t these days?) - McCaffery is getting all the meme love that sums up why he deserves a little love:
But today there was a notice that he actually had a back issue? Was i being punked?
On second thought - I did a google for some gifs for McCaffery and I found this and I stand by not allowing him to hang out with BroNation:
Getting Bro-Looks
Nick Bosa | Now. On behavior alone I might let Bosa into the pregame territory. I’d hop onto the Bosa Bandwagon (I’ve loved his brother ever since he got punched outside of Paris Club before his draft…) - but his white supremacist tweets from early college feel like a solid reason he won’t make it to the pregame. I DID love the salty celebration of mocking Baker Mayfield planting the flag on his field in college after he sacked him. All the pettiness.
The Stats
Highest Score: Back That Pass Up (Kelly) | 160 points - Well. There isn’t much to say about now the highest score of the season so far. This is how you do your first year in the league.
Lowest Score: Houston, We Have A Problem (Ross) | 69.7 points - Oh. Boy. Well … someone has to score a tiny bit lower than Julie every week, and this was your turn.
Biggest Whoops: Playing someone on a bye - Mitches Get Stitches (Diane). This one speaks for itself.
The Matchups
Ezekiel 23: 19-21 (Sean) 117.5 points
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 106.4 points
I did really appreciate the point in this matchup when you two were projected .1 point apart … but Neil’s team just couldn’t do it for him. Neil needed Chubb to have the Monday night of his life, and despite the fact that Chubb might have also been the Browns only hope … the Browns never saw the end zone. Did we ever talk about Baker Mayfield being overrated?
The downfall of Neil’s team also came with the realization that now the only two remaining undefeated teams in the NFL are the Patriots and the 49ers. Let that sink in. Does Jimmy G have what it takes? I appreciated all the commentary about “really seeing who the 49ers are”. Felt like we have been on just enough dates with them to know we can have good conversation, but we haven’t yet decided if they might be insane. Even with their record I’m still unconvinced. Stay tuned.
Trillionaire Club (Richie) 105.8 points
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 76.9 points
I still feel confused every week that Richie is now good at fantasy football. So far none of us have been able to beat him, and I’d like us to reflect on a time when he started Torrey Smith for like 6 weeks in a row getting 0 points. Those were the days.
Richie’s entire team this week rested on the 41.7 points that Christian McCaffrey got him - so if he actually IS out with a back issue, we might see Richie come back to earth.
Jason’s team just had an off week - did I mention earlier that Mahomes lost to the Colts? Well that also included Mahomes just having one touchdown and being tackled 1,000 times and limping the whole game. It was like watching Jason lose to Richie in real time.
Field of Bros (me) 125.1 points
Houston, We Have A Problem (Ross) 69.7 points
I hope everyone else realized how important this week was for my emotional attachment to fantasy football. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure losing for a fourth week in a row would have resulted in complete detachment from all of this. In case anyone wanted to know what my pre-game pump up talk was:
It seemed like most of my players got the message but Hopkins is still in his hold out to do anything for my team. There is a reason he didn’t make the power rankings this week…
You know that Ross had a rough week when the Patriots defense was pretty much his highest scoring player. I don’t love rooting for anything on the Patriots now that Gronk has retired … but learning that the McCourty Twins have had the same handshake their whole lives and do it during the games (while being beasts and getting all the picks) makes me pay a little bit more attention to them.
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 110.1 points
Billionaire Club (Craig) 89.4 points
Well guys. Sarah won without Saquon. Despite me actually rooting for the Cowboys (because who roots for the Packers?) and seeing Amari Cooper give Sarah all the effort, I got to watch the Packers still win. Sarah did have Kyler Murray on her bench outscoring Wentz, but he was also playing against the Bengals so I’m not sure that counts?
Craig did have a scoop up of Chark Jr. that I’m a bit jealous of. Besides that my mustached qb gets to throw to him and give Craig the only points worth looking at on his team - I’ve got my eye on him for some stellar celebrations as the season continues.
Back That Pass Up (Kelly) 160 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 74 points
The only work that I did last week towards the recap was finding my favorite gif … which I would like to submit as representation for Julie’s fantasy football season so far:
We just need a little effort here.
Besides that Julie didn’t have a great week…again…Kelly’s team was complete insanity. She took the record now for the most points, making sure that Chirag wasn’t able to have any glory this week. I personally feel attacked by Will Fuller’s MASSIVE game. It’s cool - I didn’t need Hopkins to score any points this week. For now - we can share looks.
Kelly didn’t just have Fuller, Matt Ryan finally showed up but not enough to outscore the Texans 53 points? At least Kelly got the win. She also benched Brady who for his old self had a decent game. I’d like to think Tom Tom would be OK being benched knowing she got a better performance out of Ryan … but I think we all know he sucks:
Drop Deebo!!!!!!! (Chirag) 139 points
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 98.3 points
Chriag was upset mid-win this week not feeling like he could talk enough trash to Diane. I hope you figured out that it’s fair game (although Neil got sensitive Monday night and we might all need to assess that?) - because Diane played Kenyan Drake on a bye. So she deserved to lose.
I have to not be too hard on Diane because she was the reason I got to be first row at the Bears game last week. If anyone wants to know what going to an outdoor sporting event with Diane is bound to feel something like this:
I feel like this might be how Diane feels this week. And the rain curse is real.
Chirag did have himself a week this week - regretfully Kelly was here to outshine him. Chirag benefited from Aaron Jones essentially doing ALL the work for the Packers and scoring 4 TDs.
Considering OBJ scored him a grand total of 3 points, and Sammy Watkins scored 0…Chirag better hope Jones just keeps being the Packers only offensive weapon (how long is Adams out for?). Remember when Chirag made me really stressed considering a trade for Sammy Watkins? Yea - I feel like I trust my never trade policy.
And we’re onto WEEK 6! Here’s looking for more touchdown celebrations, all the trash talk, and a couple unnecessary fights to delay the games.
week 3: the recap
Guys. What is happening in the NFL. Last week was the week of injuries … this week brought not only more injuries, but a slew of top performers who no one knows.
Now, as this recap figures out exactly what its doing - we’re going to try out a few things and see what sticks. What was requested last week that we’re going to lean into was power rankings for BroNation. I’m always happy to give the hardworking men of BroNation as many shoutouts as they deserve.
BroNation Top 10
1. Alvin Kamara | Besides his performance sky rocketing him to the top of this list, more importantly I realized that Kamara never wears a mouthguard. That or he’s so speedy he always has it out of view by the time the camera comes around so he can flash his new grills. I was here for the old ones … but these new diamond encrusted ones are something of a top power ranking player. He pretended to be an ESPN reporter post game and commented about himself not only that he “is a joy to watch“, but that “if we had a segment on counting diamonds in his grill we would lose count everytime.”
2. LeVeon Bell | I don’t know if he’s just still riding the high of his video release for some of his new songs - but LeVeon bell knows better than anyone how to distract me from football when his team is a complete dumpster fire. I feel like I’d really like to request a breakdown of why Falk is better than Kaepernick. I’ll wait.
LeVeon wasn’t going to let the fact that his disaster team was heading in to face the Patriots from him putting together a Sunday morning hype video. Have we talked about what a sucker for slow motion / rap music / sports hype videos I am? I feel like thats how someone could end any fight with me. Just put on a loop of “we ready” videos and I’ll be fine.
3. Travis Kelce | Really just topping the list because I’m here for the enthusiasm. I don’t think he is ever not pumped up, and with Mahomes throwing to me every week I might be equally hyped. He’s been holding back on the dance celebrations, but since there are about 50 more touchdowns Mahomes has in him this season we’re bound to get some gold sooner than later.
4. Kenny Stills | Want to know how you go from flirting with BroNation mostly because you’re besties with Kaepernick to being in the top 5? You throw me a pre-game look that made me realize that shirts should always be optional:
He gave us a preview Week 1 … and I feel like I only partially noticed.
But I saw you this week, Kenny. Vest, Blazer, and just the tattoos? Perfect.
5. Von Miller | Now - I haven’t seen nearly enough dancing or sacks from Von as I’d lke to. I’m giving the Broncos a second to figure it out this year (but see Emmanuel Sanders below). What is helping Von this week is that he’s made his best friendship on the Broncos public - Brandon McManus. Yes. Von Miller and the kicker are best friends. So much that they are in it together to have incredible mustaches and are selling merch:
I feel like I might need to consider this McMiller Stache situation…
6. Cam Jordan | Now. Cam Jordan is newer to the BroNation radar … but I have to say his instagram alone is making me consider an additional side hustle. He has incredible videos, cartoons, and photoshop work that he posts constantly. Is that a position on his staff that I could look into? I’m pretty sure that everything I’ve done up until now has really just been preparing me for that job. Also - this is the enthusiasm that he stretches with. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
7. Todd Gurley | Sometimes - you do something to be in the Top 10 for BroNation. And sometimes you’re just on the list because you’ll always be one of my favorites. This week is not because Todd Gurley did anything to warrant being here.
8. Emmanuel Sanders | This top ranking is because you can’t be a sad BroNation member and not get a shoutout. It’s been a couple years since I’ve seen Sanders twerk - so I’d like to formally ask the Broncos to get it together. How do you get rid of Demaryius Thomas, leave Sanders lonley, AND give him Flacco as a quarterback? The quarterback journey from Osweiler to Siemian to Lynch…then 2017 being a year of going back to your exes and trying out all three again (Osweiler didn’t deserve to be taken back after he said he was as good as Manning. Oh. Are you?)…then giving Keenum a chance before really thinking Flacco would be the solution would make me just as sad as Sanders in his post game interview. In his own words, they are living in the world of suck.
BroNation is here for you.
9. Aaron Donald | So you might say that Aaron Donald is far too serious for BroNation. And you’re probably right. But every group of maniacs needs one slightly less crazy person who has it together enough to get them an uber to the next bar. Also - I’d like to see someone tell Aaron Donald he isn’t the best at everything.
Yep. He might be Top 10 every week.
10. DeAndre Hopkins | Well. You know its been a bad couple of weeks when something saves DeAndre being on the top 10 that isn’t him. I’m not blaming him for the fact that I lost the last two weeks…but I’m also not NOT blaming him. If it weren’t for this stellar cameo in his post game instagram, he might have fallen off the list completely:
Pre-Gaming Bro-Status
Patrick Mahomes | Besides that he might be one of my favorite players to watch - maybe ever, Mahomes is also taking some steps to earn the coveted QB position on BroNation. Right now he’s really just battling it out with Watson - who I think naturally brings a lot more swagger to the table. While there are sometimes nerdy bluffs where Mahomes takes a few steps back:
Let’s chest bump! Nah. Hug it out.
Mahomes is actually creating a standard celebration - and I’m not mad at it. When you have something like that, I don’t need to see dancing from you each week. Mahomes will also continue to throw to literally anyone on the field - making those third string wide receivers no one knows look like all stars. All eyes on you stepping out of the pregame and into BroNation…
This is really most important so that I can get it as a Slack response and incorporate into my professional life.
Keenan Allen | I went all in on Melvin Gordon last year, and frankly am still cheering him on while he bowls or plays video games on his instagram (he’s a great bowler btw. is that a path forward for him?), but never even gave Keenan Allen a chance besides being involved in Gordon’s celebrations. What this week showed me was that Allen is more than ready to throw down some celebrations and carry the Chargers. I don’t know what this move is - but he does it so confidently…
Getting Bro-Looks
Gardner Minshew II | What ISN’T there to love about Gardner Minshew II? I feel like the Minshew Madness is in full effect, and frankly I haven’t heard a story about him that I haven’t liked yet. Between only stretching in his jock strap to keeping his mustache because it was a pact and his other friends shaved theirs … he’s a gold mind of somewhat unbelievable stories. His confidence mixed with just the right about of weirdness has him on Bro-Nation watch:
Kyle Juszczyk | Now. I love a good full back play where they come out of nowhere and bulldoze the field - frankly not enough of those plays right now. But this run really took the cake. Can’t promise he will ever get another BroNation look, but for this week he’s got all eyes on this move:
George Kittle | I mean, the root of this is that I just have a soft spot for Tight Ends and I’m trying to navigate a season without Gronk. I’m honestly on the fence about whether this clip gets Kittle a look for BroNation or if he’s permanently off the list. I’m sensitive to people imitating the Rock, but if the Rock gave him a shoutout I have to as well:
The Stats
I think its safe to say that this year has been a real cluster for the NFL. It’s the year of third string everything and its hard to make the right guesses week to week.
Highest Score: Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) - 136.2 points | In the midst of the quarterback mayhem, the pickup of Watson in the draft that Neil 100% did JUST to piss off Ross is really working out in his favor.
Lowest Score: Back That Pass Up (Kelly) - 61.2 points | Well … with Julie really trying for the lowest score every week, last week I took her out by getting a couple less and this was Kelly’s week to take that honor.
Biggest Whoops: JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) - I don’t even really want to give you this one because who on earth would start anyone but Mahomes … but turns out Russell Wilson was going to take it home and leave over 40 points on your bench.
The Matchups
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 136.2 points
JPugh What-It-Do (Jason) 122.1 points
Well. This is one of those really crappy weeks for Jason where you outscore pretty much everyone else in the league and you still end up losing to Neil. As I said in the Biggest Whoops - no one can blame Jason for starting Mahomes because he still did better than everyone else’s quarterback. So now its just rude that you have another one sitting on your bench scoring 40 points while the rest of us fight over 2nd and 3rd string quarterbacks. I wanted to say something about how much I dislike Russell Wilson and turns out that googling “russell wilson lame” gets you a whole story where Slim Thug said this:
Young Thug later had to apologize for calling Russell Wilson LAME, and I appreciate that I’ll never have to apologize about that.
In a valiant effort the Chicago Bears Defense TRIED to get Jason the win with their 20 points on his roster - but even these beasts couldn’t take down Neil this week.
On the winning side of this match up Neil was carried to victory by Mike Evans actually showing up. If this is any indication of what two rough weeks can turn out - I’m here for Hopkins scoring almost 40 points next week. I think the craziest think about Mike Evans monster game is that the Giants BEAT the Bucs in the end. Thanks to Daniel Jones. I think I officially don’t understand football.
There is also DeShaun Watson who as I mentioned before is on the radar for BroNation. I feel like Ross gets too sad when the Texans are terrible and I can’t talk as much shit when he’s sad - so I’m here for Watson making the Texans into a competitive team. Also - Watson got himself into a Twitter feud over this outfit last year - and I love it a lot:
The outfit in question (which is a Balenciaga hoodie…)
Yea. JARED.
You had to go and talk trash about WRs … Hopkins isn’t having it.
Lamar Jackson Collaborative (Richie) 130.7 points
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 105.7 points
I still don’t think I’ve fully accepted that Richie might be good this year? Is it because Torrey Smith retired? Was his memory of what he did to your team years ago still holding you down? Whatever it is, I don’t think Richie’s team is slowing down anytime soon.
Keenan Allen who got his shoutout above was Richie’s highest scorer bringing in 30.7 points in the Chargers attempt to beat the Texans. At least Ross got that win this week. Lamar Jackson went up against probably one of his toughest opponents in the Chiefs and while he didn’t come out on top, he still put in a good fight that I think shows they DO have some promise.
Christian McCaffrey who I have always been hesitant to get behind - really exploded today without Cam. Is the Panther’s backup Kyle Allen had a reat game, and had everyone questioning whether he could ever be their main man.
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 102.8 points
Mitches Get Stiches (Diane) 99.9 points
I think the most important thing about this recap is that Sarah is going to have to figure out how to win next week and the week after that…without Saquon Barkley. Probably my favorite text of the weekend was Sarah “waking up from an afternoon nap to Barkley on crutches.” I saw him hopping off the field after the game with those crutches and frankly I feel like he still might be the best option for the Giants.
Look at the trainer trying to keep up…
Despite some really great performanced (I’m looking at you Cooper Kupp and Dalvin Cook) that got Diane scoring more than she usually does … she couldn’t get a win with James White with 0 on her roster. She also was hit with the struggles of the dolphins. Not surprisingly Kenyan Drake was unable to get a decent score with the back and forth between Josh Rosen to Fitzmagic and back to Rosen. It looks like Rosen just also figured out he’s on the Dolphins…
Drop Deebo!!!!!! (Chirag) 92.4 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 68.1 points
Well. Julie had another rough one. She’s now officially dropped Antonio Brown and Cam Newton … so maybe this is her chance to figure out who she is without her first and third picks. You know it might still be an uphill battle when no one on her team score more than 10 points besides Sterling Shepard. Is Eli 2.0 going to be something good for the Giants?? And for Julie?
On the other hand - Chirag just had players scoring high points both on his roster and on his bench. Chirag trusted in Mahomes (or maybe just didn’t trust Sammy Watkins?) and picked up Hardman as a backup wide receiver. I’d get those points in while Tyreek Hill is still sidelined. They showed Hill doing jumping jacks on the sideline so I feel like he’s telling us that he’s coming back soon.
Chirag also benefited from Barkley being hurt and Jones being able to throw the ball with Evan Engram on his bench. I’m trying to figure out why you have TE on your bench in a no TE league … but maybe you know something that we don’t.
Billionaire Club (Craig) 98.6 points
Back that Pass Up (Kelly) 61.2 points
This is another match up where someone is hoarding QBs - and its not even helping them. Kelly has Tom Brady (keep him) and Matt Ryan - both who broke the 20 point ceiling but couldn’t get her a win. Maybe Kelly is feeling like Belicheck’s face looks…
Now, Craig equally had some rough showings (11 of their 18 players didn’t get more than 10 points…) on his roster, but Mark Ingram was there to make sure he could take home a victory. While he took some time to box with the Chiefs logo after scoring a touchdown … he regretfully wasn’t able to beat the Chiefs:
Get. It. Girl.
Ezekiel 23: 19-21 (Sean) 102 points
Field of Bros (Me) 95.9 points
You know what my favorite thing is? Recapping a loss to SEAN. Also - at one point I was projected to get over 120 points … so I’d like to have a few words with some gentlemen in the afternoon games (I’m looking at you Hopkins and Carson). I’ve never had a player have to go change his cleats because he kept slipping on the field when he was given the ball. I’d also like to give the award for playing with my heart strings to Chris Carson this week who again had a beautiful run and then fumbled. I’m not sure we’re going to be ok.
I’m just watching this on loop to remember why I still love him.
I’m also in mourning for LeVeon Bell not being able to do anything against the Patriots. I feel like someone at the Jets has to feel the same as I do when they see his sad face and figure out a way to let him be amazing again?
On my team too there is a BroNation shoutout going to Adam Thielen. Typically in the running for the whitest guy in the NFL - I appreciated both the 2 Touchdowns that he got AND the celebrations.
Now, Sean looked at times like he was going to struggle, and I think we can all say we’re mad that his team pulled it together. AND he had some great performances on his bench (Pollard??). Sean was really carried to victory by Jameis Winston deciding that it was time to play football (hi. its week 3. welcome.) … and throwing for 3 touchdowns and only 1 interception. Let’s see if he can be consistent for Sean in this quarterback battlefield we’re all living in…
I can even picture Sean doing something annoying like this.
And we’re onto next week! Let’s see what mayhem the NFL can stir up for us to struggle with. Also would like to end with a gif that I found that relates to nothing:
Happy rest of your week! Hope you can treat the rest of the days like this.
week 2: the recap
Well. I have to admit that after what was possibly my worst week in Fantasy Football that I’ve ever had … I debated if I didn’t deserve to recap it. Lucky for you, I’m willing to recap my failures.
The Week
I feel like this usually comes later in the season - but this was the week of the devastating injuries.
Big Ben is OUT for the season. They showed a close up of his elbow pulsing after he re-injured it and I still feel sick.
My QB I put my faith in - Drew Brees is out for 4-6 weeks getting surgery on his thumb. I can tell you this did not go well for the Saints in their redemption game against the Rams on Sunday … and I worry what it might do to their super bowl dreams. Does this mean I get to see Kamara non stop? I could be okay with that.
Sam Darnold is out “indefinitely” with mono which has to be the most frustrating reason to not be playing. They did explain to me on Monday Night Football that the reason it could take so long to recover is that his spleen will be enlarged for months after potentially and if he gets hit his spleen could explode!?
So in his place there was Trevor Semien - which for those of you new to the recap should know holds a special place in my heart. Diane knowingly let me go a full week calling him “Semen” without correcting me until I asked out friend who went to Northwestern if he was “excited about semen”. It was not embarrassing at all. Needless to say Semen is now injured too and the Jets are onto their third backup.
I think the story of the hurt quarterback of the season is Gardner Minshew II. A few things:
I didn’t know I needed to cheer for someone like this until I saw this.
In addition to this important outfit - there are the facts that he actually isn’t a Jr. or a 2nd … so very unclear where the II comes from in is name. He also made a point about the fact that he could have been named Beowulf. These are the facts we need.
The Eagles felt like their entire team was injured on Sunday Night. I was ready to hop on the Jackson/Jeffrey duo train … but if they just leave me with Wentz I’m 100% not going to be able to get on board.
Not an injury, but the end of an era … Daniel Jones is officially the New York Giant’s quarterback. I think we all can’t wait to see Eli 2.0 take over for Eli Manning and see if he can manage to not fumble it like he’s already done.
A few happier notes aside from all of the injuries:
The Bears found their kicker! It came down to a complete cluster at the end of the Broncos game, that I still haven’t quite recovered from (Broncos scoring, going for two, penalty, kicking and missing but with a penalty so they can go for two, scoring…then the bears getting the final kick to win?!). Maybe these days are behind us:
Ramsey gave me a fight I didn’t expect - with his coach. He’s now demanding to be traded, which gives us more things to keep an eye out for. I would give anything for this situation to have been mic-ed — how his team members fly up to hold the coach back?! AH.
In case anyone else forgot like I had, Jason Witten is back in the game? I really appreciated how he told me only about defenders when he was a commentator, but his anti-bronation behavior at least gives me something to roll my eyes at. For reference, this is how Witten celebrated vs. Emmanuel Sanders:
The basic point.
The BroNation point.
The Stats
Highest Score: 124.6 points - Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! Well. Well. Well. Chirag went from Biggest Whoops last week to Highest Score. So I feel like I’d also give him “most improved” if that was an award I’d give out. He also got to watch how indecisive I am about trades this week - and he can rest easy knowing that even if I’d given him the trade he wouldn’t needed it.
Lowest Score: 61.5 points - Field of Bros This. Was. A. Rough. Week. I had to stop checking the app to stop watching my guys unable to do anything. I’d like to say though - I am still in the green on ESPN which I don’t understand (are there factuals to back it up?) but Antonio brown told me the data doesn’t lie.
Biggest Whoopsie: Julie. I think you’ve finally caught up to not trusting Cam … so feel like this one makes sense. Leaving Garopollo on the bench with 22+ points and watching Cam’s career fall apart was rough.
The Matchups
JPugh What It Do (Jason) 83.2 points
Field of Bros (Me) 61.5 points
Remember last week when I said that Julie hadn’t scored enough points to count as a game. Well…this was karma. My gut tells me to point out that Jason didn’t have the most impressive week, but I’m way more mature than that. I’ll lose gracefully.
A few key failures on my team?
Well Drew Brees got my -.5 points before he was injured and is now out for 6 weeks after surgery. I wouldn’t have gotten many more points if I’d played Carr instead, so I’m mostly just concerned about what to do with my team moving forward. It was also Aaron Donald that hurt Brees, so getting to see one of my favorite Rams take out my QB was confusing:
His face explains how I feel this week.
DeAndre Hopkins was also taken completely out of the game. You know whats really fun? When you watch all of the pregame trash talk and you note that Hopkins and Ramsey were a bit too nice to each other … and don’t think that it might be a sign that Hopkins wasn’t up for the fight:
Mahomes is really what helped Jason bring home this win - and I feel like he’s not slowing down anytime soon. Just for the league’s knowledge - Chirag wanted to trade this week for Chris Carson and give me Sammy Watkins. I’ll admit I was tempted but my fantasy draft is one of my strongest sources of loyalty and I fear giving up a player only to see him flourish. Don’t worry, I’m unpacking this one.
While Watkins was tempting, it turns out that Mahomes can straight up make every wide receiver look like a WR1 and he used all of his options on Sunday. Hopefully he works on his dance celebrations and he might have a tryout for BroNation…
Billionaire Club (Craig) 76.3 points
Just My Luck (Julie) 69.6 points
Oof. Well at least two weeks in a row we could count on Julie losing in the lowest scoring matchup. The only person Craig could have also beat was me - so that is not saying much. Julie’s highest scoring players all hovered around 12 points with Gurley, Brown and Michel all raking in those impressive numbers.
In a week full of mediocre performances, one of Craig’s decisions wasn’t awful…he got on the AP bandwagon. Adrian Peterson returned to the redskins…not is best performance, but this was also how he prepped:
Julie did get the return of her number one pick Antonio Brown and if things stay the course, i think things are looking good there. Watch him effortlessly jump into the stands after this TD. I just imagine how much of an effort that would be for all of us.
Julie’s claimed source of pain is Andrew Luck retiring, but Cam was her chosen QB and I think this meme sums it up well - maybe then you could have won?
Something we should all be upset about tho? Julie actually made a good pick and snagged Jimmy Garoppolo in the midst of the QB massacre. I’m hesitant to say that he might actually be ready to have a great season…
Back That Pass Up (Kelly) 103.7 points
Mitches Get Stitches (Diane) 102.5 points
Wow. So this one is brutal. Diane’s team really pulled it together, only to be beaten by Tom Brady. That. Is. Rough. While I’m emotionally confused with Josh Gordon and Antonio Brown being on the Patriots and making me root for them - I can’t root for Tom Brady so I’ll mostly ignore Kelly’s win because of him…
Diane has the key to what I’m hoping is way more Vikings celebrations. They brought us this gem last year and I’m waiting for some of these to return:
One of the best…
I also messed up Diane’s recap last week and reported her having 20 less points than she did (i fixed it) - but it’s hindered me wanting to say anything bad.
Drop Deebo!!!!!!!! (Chirag) 124.6 points
Chicago Placeholder (Sarah) 78.1 points
Chirag really got back on the board - and honestly feels like he didn’t change much. Turns out that Odell Beckham Jr. and Julio Jones are just worth keeping around and taking them on their bad weeks. I bet that OBJ could have had another TD if at the 3rd down the refs didn’t SUDDENLY realize that his visor wasn’t clear so they made him switch it IMMEDIATELY. I’m actually shocked we didn’t see a tantrum so I’d like to say that OBJ is maturing. I’ll never forget tho.
Now…Julioooo. Have we dug into how much I love Julio Jones? I think he stole my heart for the first time when I saw an interview where he casually repeated, “who can cover me one on one? i don’t believe anyone can.” But I’d also like to let you know that he is consistently solidifying his place in my heart with behavior like this:
Obsessed.
Not even Sarah’s number one pick Barkley could help her out of this loss. But based on this video - he might be the one who needs help:
Ezekiel 23:19-21 (Sean) 107.5 points
Houston, We Have a Problem (Ross) 106.9 points
ANOTHER close one?! This was the week. I think everyone just forgot to tell my team it was the week to put up a performance. My least favorite part of this is that Sean managed a win in a close battle, but second to that is the shock I have that the Patriots Defense is what kept Ross in this fight. Maybe that’s because the dophins are officially the team to have zero expectations about - let’s look at their past two weeks:
I would leave too. Even Fitzmagic can’t save it.
What I do appreciate is that despite this big scoring game and Ezekiel Elliot being unstoppable, Sean still wasn’t moving in a green direction. Sean had Big Ben on his team, so along with me he will be scrambling for someone this week. Sean has already boasted that he can win without a QB, so I am hoping that he will follow through on that threat. Big Ben can probably sum up how we all feel…
Lamar Jackson Collaborative (Richie) 79.5 points
Hot Chubb Time Machine (Neil) 74.7 points
I have to admit I’m pretty sad the Antonio Brown names are gone Richie - but I appreciate the pun for your work. Does Lamar know he’s part of our league now?
Lamar Jackson scored almost half of Richie’s points, so I’m not sure there is too much else to recap. I will say that each of you having the player that you named your team against be your high scorer feels really right.
I’m sure I mentioned this last year - but its a story I can’t get over. Both Nick Chubb (Browns) and Bradley Chubb (Broncos) grew up near each other because it was near CHUBB TOWN. I can’t get over it - also is this a small town where they just train football beasts? And can we go hang out there…
And we’re on to next week. In case anyone wants to join me in my Kaepernick watch, it’s officially starting. We can’t have 5 teams without their starting QB AND the Giants choosing to bench Eli without holding out some hope that BroNation can get their QB back:
I’m here for this.